I took the photo above this morning, Gus is buried in the Dahlia garden, right under these pansies sprouting up. We hope his mother Hannah will be bred tomorrow, but Robin Gibbons, the breeder is still working through Gus’s death. She doesn’t want it to happen again.

Robin, a friend of ours by now,  stopped by this morning. I could see the anguish in our face. I thought she was telling us she couldn’t do it, she couldn’t breed her dog again..

Tomorrow, she is scheduled to breed Hannah, Gus’s mother. She is, she said, still torn about breeding after what happened to Gus. She was very torn, she just needed to talk about it.

Robin Gibbons, who works as a bartender at the American Legion here, is a great dog lover and conscientious breeder. She doesn’t breed for money, but for love.

She works hard, is extremely ethical and moral, and researches her breeding thoroughly.  She is not in it for money.

Our vet has great praise for her dedication and thoroughness.

Robin told us she is worried about having another puppy with megaesophagus, this was a torment for her, and she felt worse for us than we felt for ourselves. She isn’t sure she wants to go through with it.

We told her it was up to her, of course, we would support whatever decision she made. She said although researchers don’t know what causes megaesophagus, some think it could be hereditary. Most say they don’t know. She says she would hate to have another of her puppies go through anything like that.

I could see the uncertainty in her face.

Here’s what Maria and I told her.

We said we would understand whatever decision, she made.We said we hoped she would breed again as we were eager to bring home another of her puppies.

We said we had full faith in her, and that we loved having Gus,  we never regretted having him for one second. We would do it again in a flash.

I told her that there is a far greater risk of cancer in most litters than megaesophagus and researchers said the disease was rare in Boston Terriers. It could have been caused by a number of things – animal feces, anesthesia, different viruses.  We would keep the new puppy out of the pasture until he was older.

It is more likely, we told her, that we were responsible for the disease than that she was.

I said I  had faith that this would put the experience behind both of us, her and us, and she could also move past it. Any breeder knows you need luck. People as honest and conscientious as Robin should be owning and breeding dogs. I said it felt good to me, I had faith in this process.

And  Robbin. Unlike many people,  takes responsibility for her life, more, perhaps, than she deserves.Life happens,  it brings risk and joy. I hope call let go of Gus’s experience, he brought is great happiness. There is nothing  to look back about. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is a choice.

There is nothing worth doing in the world that is not difficult or does not pose risk. We hope she decides to breed Hannah, but we will be with her no matter what she decides.

We both said  we would be happy to take our chances, there is always a risk to life. Last week, I said, 1,000 big trees fell down in our town. I could have been standing underneath any one of them. There is always risk in life, we take a risk every time we  drive a car down the road or cross the street.

I did not want to put any pressure on her, this is her decision. We did want to make clear to  her that we trusted her, no matter what she did.

We said we would be available to talk to her anytime. She said she was going to do some thinking tonight, she would let us know. I wish for Robin to be comfortable and  happy, and I wish for us to get another of her dogs. Are the two really compatible, or am I just kidding myself in a  cause o saalsovelldkIt’s in the hands of the Gods now.