The most striking thing about the memory work Joan and I are doing together is how much she loves to do it. Whenever I ask if she wants to   read with me or  talk to me, she just lights up and says emphatically, “I want to do it.” It is hard work for Joan, and sometimes painful, sometimes joyous.

I am learning not to correct her mistakes, or to give her answers. I have to remind myself to do this, as you can see in the video, it goes against every way in which I was taught, and so often made to feel stupid or a failure. I want Joan to feel successful every time we read, every time we talk.

I have been reading up on what the psychologists call “memory sweeps,” a sort of  prompts and questions designed to get people with memory issues to “sweep” back into their lives and search for memories of things they love and cared about.

I found that any mention of Joan’s grandmothers elicits smiles, enthusiasm and happiness. Some subjects  trigger pain (her daughter was killed when she was young), I don’t wish to trigger that.

I know now which subjects open Joan up and which don’t. I know that I am not a miracle worker or a genie, I can’t bring her memory back. But I also know that I can bring some of it back some of the time, and  her memories are rich and detailed and often loving. It makes her feel good to do this work, it gives her pride and dignity, she feels very successful at it.

When I come into the Mansion, she always finds me, hugs me, follows me, she never asks to do this work, she always is eager to do this work, and Joan is quick to say no to things she does not want to do.

Our work is never private, there is really no private space at the Mansion, people are always walking in on us, asking what we are doing, talking loudly in the background. There is always noise and distraction.

It doesn’t matter. I have learned to focus right through it.

But Joan is so engaged in this work, so eager, that this never bothers or deters us. It is beautiful work and important work, and I have seen a marked change in Joan since we began our talking and memory work. I am happy to share this remarkable adventure.

If you wish to support my Mansion work, you can send  your contribution to The Gus Fund, c/o Jon Katz, P.O. Box 205,  Cambridge, N.Y., 12816, or to me via Paypal, [email protected]. And thank you, the Army Of Good, you have made this work possible, you are the wind at my back.

If you wish to send a card or photo or message to Joan, you can write to Joan, c/o The Mansion, 11 S. Union Avenue, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.

She loves photos.

Come and see Joan’s search for life.