I was driving by Outback Jack’s on Main Street yesterday and Fate was in the car and she looked towards his porch and  growled. I turned to see what she was growling at and saw this quite unusual concrete frog, and I thought it needed to be in my office, it is quite unusual, and I have not seen one like it. It’s just strange enough to inspire me.

Jack and I began haggling yesterday, and the negotiations are going very well. Jack and I have been doing business for a long time, and we know one another. I normally never haggle, but with Jack it’s nothing but fun, good-natured and familiar.

Jack haggles in three steps. First, he says what he “put into it,” and then waits for the response. The suggestion is he’s bleeding to death to lower the price, but he’s willing to do it. We both know Jack builds “haggle” money into every transaction.

Haggling with Jack is a precious tradition in our town.

If I’m quiet, he will either go down a bit or hold his ground. He’ll tell the story of the piece, where it came from, who loved it, etc. if it looks like I’m walking away, he’ll suggest layaway or some monthly payment, or better yet, “just pay me when you can.” Jack knows me well enough to know i won’t buy it if I can’t afford it, I avoid monthly payments.

If it’s a precious piece, he won’t haggle much. He’ll wait for somebody with money to show up in the summer.

If it’s something damaged or worn, he usually will come down, especially if I do some moaning and groaning: I don’t really need it, Maria will be pissed if I buy it, where would I put it, I have enough junk,  etc.. Eventually he will say, “well, you’ve been a good customer for a long time,” and that signals the end of the negotiations, he’s winding down.

I’m inclined to haggle over this frog, it’s made of concrete, is heavy and quite worn. I don’t see it in the gardens of rich people, or in the studies of the literati.

I’ve been haggling with Jack for 15 years, and in all that time I only beat him once, with my Lou Jacobs wallboard poster from the Barnum and Bailey circus, I think he’d been  hanging in Jack’s for a long time, and uncharacteristically, Jack didn’t quite grasped how famous Jacobs was. Even then, I spent $400, which wasn’t exactly a steal. But I suspect it’s worth a good deal more.

Jack and I have always come to an agreement, and we both love the wheeling and dealing and posturing, it’s a  fading part of country life, and Jack is a good friend and honest and decent person. By lunchtime, that frog will be in my study.

We are still somewhere in between $100 an $150 (I think $150 is a good bet for the price, it started out much higher), I might also have to buy that pink stool and marble slap, I hope the frog can go next to my desk and in front of the window. I just fell in love with it, and I know that is  strange – I can’t claim to need a large concrete frog with a bow tie, but it is just the kind of folk art I love and that lifts me up.

With Jack, everybody wins. I get this quite eclectic frog, Jack gets to sell something nobody else would find or buy.

And i know I will never see another like it. Stay tuned, Jack’s coming at noon with a dolly. Maybe Maria will paint the frog one weekend.