Clarity is very important to me. I never used to have it, and in recent months have worked to find it.

I felt especially clear and strong recently, when we decided to put our dog Gus down, he was struck with a fatal disease called megaesophagus.  People kept e-mailing me to tell me I was doing the right thing and to console me – which I appreciated – but the truth was I knew it was the right thing and had what I call clarity about the decision.

Killing a dog, especially a young one full of life, is not a simple decision, it is natural to agonize over it and at one point in my life I would have, i often tore myself up about difficult decisions, asked for advice, changed my mind, felt guilt and confusion.

I don’t much do that any more. Being open (having no secrets,) facing the worst parts of yourself, speaking your truth, sharing your life, seeking authenticity, getting help are all strengthening tools. I have become stronger.

I knew in our mind-everybody-else’s- business culture that my decision about Gus would be controversial, I didn’t really give it a thought. I had clarity. I was not in need of consoling.

It didn’t matter what other people said or thought, I followed my new guide about decisions: the only people I have to please are me, and Maria. That is the key to self-respect and clarity, I believe.

It’s good to listen, it’s good to think. But in the end, the only face I have to really like is the one in the mirror.

A few months ago we had trouble with a chimney fire, and I called our chimney sweep, a lovely man who couldn’t come for  days. I called another company and they showed up quickly, and also cleaned our stoves in a way I had not seen before, and the stoves have never worked more efficiently and effectively.

I hired them on the spot to take care of our stoves. I can remember a time when that would have been a difficult decision for me. it was not a difficult decision, stoves are very important to us in the winter, and they must be safe and clean. I found clarity, a term I use more and more.

A relative asked me if I would attend a family member’s funeral if he died. I said no, absolutely not. We have not spoken in years, I have no connection to him. I felt quite clear about it.

Clarity is the opposite of agonizing and equivocating, it casts aside dithering, guilt and doubt. Clarity can breed arrogance, but I also believe in listening, in researching, in following my own instincts. Killing a dog is a complex and emotional thing, it deserves some hesitation and thought.

It has become apparent to me in recent years that my future as a writer depended on the success of my blog, not just my books. That was a big and difficult decision, I have been a book writer for decades. I am clear about it, it was the right decision for me. I have clarity about it.

But as I have learned to trust my values and instincts and follow them, the fog of confusion and self-doubt seem to have listed.  I certainly have my self-doubts, but they are occasional and mild.

Clarity is about making decisions and owing them, taking responsibility for them. I like Hannah Arendt’s idea about moral decisions. You have to like yourself after you make them. That’s the measure. We all face hard decisions in life, things are not always black-and-white.

I also like her idea about the right decisions. They are not about what other people think, they are about what I think. The measure is no what other people would do, it is about what I would do.

Decisions are the foundation of a meaningful life, if we can’t make them, or make the right ones, we cannot possibly to go forward to live the lives we want. I can never be certain I am making the right decision, only that I am making the best decision I can make.

I will never made a more difficult decision, I think, than the one to end a 35-year marriage to a very good person. It was beyond gut-wrenching. It was the right decision, for me, for her. We are both happier now and at peace with one another.

I am clear about it. It was the right thing for me do. If I had agonized or dithered any more, or listened to the wise and cautious people around me, I would never have done it, I could never have done it. If I had listened to all of the people around me, I would never have come to the country, bought my farm, changed my life.

When Donald Trump was elected President, I made an important decision. I was not going to join the angry and self-righteous hordes, not on the left, not on the right. I was going to set out to do good, every day. I believed that was one of the best decisions I have ever made, I was and am very clear about it. It has changed my life.

A few months ago, a friend launched a massive fund-raising operation I could not, for private reasons, support. A number of people were outraged and accused me of cruelty, betrayal, disloyalty,  and arrogance. It was the right decision, I was clear about it. I have not looked back or agonized about it.

More and more, I value clarity. It is the very essence of soul and of strength and peace of mind. It is the sister of faith.

it is a great gift – and a great decision – to live an open life.

Truly, and thanks to my blog, I have things in my life that are private, but I have no secrets. When we filed for bankruptcy a few years ago, I wrote about it right away. I was clear that to hide was to live in shame.

The decision was transforming. Rather than feeling guilt and shame, I simply began our economic recovery and moved on. A number of people wrote me to call me a deadbeat, etc. Nuts to them, they are flies on the ass of elephants.

Clarity, not money, is the pathway to security for me. If I am clear about my decisions, it follows that I will lead the life I wish to lead. No one else can decide that for me