I was taken aback when Emma sent me this photo of Robin, my granddaughter. I saw it just after Gus died, and I drifted off into that old cliche, death on one end, life on the other, that is the nature of things, the challenge that we must accept and respect.

I’m doing fine with Gus, just feeling a little drained and melancholic. I am told I need to be gentle with myself.

I hardly know Robin, and she would not recognize me if we bumped into one another. Life often doesn’t cooperate with our desires. Between snowstorms, Gus’s illness, my pneumonia, and work, train delays, finding a room,  I have not been able to get to New York to see Robin. I have a big sack of nice books waiting to bring her when I go.

This is tricky to navigate, there’s no room for us – or me – to stay in Emmas apartment, so I’ve got to find a place nearby. I’m getting closer. Once the cough is finally gone, I’ll get down there and have a chat from this sunny and lively kid. Maria wants to come.

I still have my pneumonia cough, it is fading a bit every day, but I still don’t trust it with Robin. I would hate to give it to her or Emma. We’ve been getting a storm a week, but that has to end one day, and as soon as I can, I’ll get down there to visit her.

I am reconciled to this reality, but I think we would like each other and have some fun. Maybe in the summer. My daughter is also heavily engaged with life. She’s left Sports Illustrated and taken a job running the baseball coverage of a new website called Athletic. She’s running the baseball coverage, and it’s a great opportunity for her and a very well put together website.

It’s also doing well, funded by some Silicon Valley fat cats. Sports Illustrated was taken over by some people from the Midwest, it is struggling to come into the new media world. Em landed on her feet, and then some.

She will stay in Brooklyn, work from home and rent a part-time office nearby when she needs some quiet. Emma has built a solid life for herself, well-balanced and busy. My philosophy of parenting has always been that the judge of a good parent is how little needed they are when their kids grow up.

I am not much needed.

On the whole, I don’t think I was a very good father, I was too messed up in the head and eventually fled my life for the country once she was in college. Emma is grounded and gifted, she lives on her own track, as she should, and manages her life with little of the drama that always surrounded mine..

It is doubtful we will ever live near one another, or that I will ever be an integral part of Robin’s life. I accept this.  And truly, I don’t wish to be one of those grandparents whose life centers around the grandkids. We each have our own lives.

But it’s also time to get down there and get a look at this engaging person who has suddenly sprung up magically. And see my daughter.

Robin is no longer a baby, that’s for sure. It didn’t take long.