At The Mansion today, I saw Joan wandering a bit, she was uncharacteristically short-tempered with another resident. She looked unhappy. She said she was unhappy.  I asked if we could take a walk down the hallway with Red.

Maria and I were both at the Mansion bringing large bags of Easter gift bags prepared by a friend and blog follower, Cathy Stewart. (We are saving them for our Mansion Easter celebration set for Monday, April 2. Your decorations are arriving. We’ve signed up the Round House Cafe to bring desserts.)

Some people like to think of assisted care facilities as residences for sweet old ladies, sitting quietly, chatting and knitting. That is no so. There’s is a lot going on. There are great and constant mood swings, temper tantrums fights and bouts with depression and confusion, highs and lows.

This is especially true in the winter, when everyone is boxed in and thrown together.

I have learned so much about how to help from watching Katie Perez, the former Mansion director, and now the Mansion nurse.

Katie is a hero to me, she cares so much about the residents, and she knows  how to talk to them, she is my role model for that. First, you have to really care, and Katie does. She cares so much she had to step back from her former job to keep from burning out. But she couldn’t bear to leave the residents entirely, so she works several days a week.

You have to be calm and steady and persistent, you have to remain focused and listen, and also guide the conversation in a positive direction.

I asked Joan why she was unhappy, and she said  she wanted to go home. She put her head in her hands.

She wanted to build a new house on the water. I asked her what started this feeling, and she said she wanted to work with her hands, to be creative. She has new eyesight troubles that keep her from reading or painting, she spends hours uncertain what to do.

Joan often things she is going home, all of her things are packed and ready to go.  The staff talks to her and distracts her, and she forgets about going home. Until the next day.

The Mansion offers continuous activities, but between her memory problems and eyesight, she can’t do many of them of them.  One or two of the residents can be abrupt with her. The staff watches her closely and loves her and cares for her. But still…”I’m struggling,” she told me, in between bursts of memory and confusion.

Katie came by and I signalled to her to come  over. She instantly saw what was happening.

Katie looked Joan directly in the eye and asked her why she was unhappy. Joan said she wanted to go to her new home, Katie explained that Joan was in a home where people cared about her, it was her home for now. More than 30 people live at the Mansion, she explained, and Joan was surprised.

Katie asked Joan if she was bored sometimes, and she said she was. This is common in assisted care, especially during a winter like this, where the residents get intense Spring fever and can’t walk or sit on the porch or get outside much.

Katie said “you need something different to do, something new.”

Katie is amazing for her empathy and ability to communicate, and she told Joan she is much-loved by the residents. She said she understood Joan was frustrated, she needed something of her own. Something she could do with her hands. Something that was creative.

Joan seemed to cheer up, she was intrigued. She trusted Katie. I think she trusts me too.

I asked Joan if I could help her get some supplies for an activity she could do.  I started rattling off ideas.

We were stumped for a bit, Katie and I ran through some possibilities, but Joan – who was following the conversation clearly, kept shaking her head no. We couldn’t come up with the right idea. I was stumped.

I went down the hall to get Maria, and she  joined us and I asked her if she had any good art ideas for someone who can’t see clearly. How about some clay?, Maria suggested right away.

I got in my Iphone and showed Katie and found clay in the arts department. I showed Joan a picture of the clay, and Joan lit up. That would be perfect, Joan said. I could make sculptures, I wouldn’t have to see so clearly. She looked excited. Katie said the Mansion would sponsor an art show of Joan’s sculptures. I said I would come and take photos of her work, and Maria volunteered to come and teach her how to use the clay.

Joan brightened, she became herself.

I asked her if she was happier, and she said yes (see the video) I got back on my Iphone – I am now a whiz at this – ordered some of the all dry clay, color white for $8.65. It will be here Friday. If it works out, I can get more.

There are no miracles or panaceas at the Mansion, no magic want to sweep people’s troubles away. But it might stimulate Joan and focus her on an activity she can easily do and be recognized for. Something to look forward to and to occupy her mind when it wanders a bit. Small acts of great kindness.

We’ll see. I’m excited about it and I will follow-up – so will Maria – to support Joan if this works. If it doesn’t, we’ll move on to something else.

Katie and I were pleased with the conversation. So was I.

I think the video is important, it shows the evolution of an idea presented in a good way to people who struggle at the edge of life. Joan was engaged and participating.

Katie is a great inspiration.