Stewardship: “the careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one’s care; as in animals, children, our natural resources.” – Merriam-Webster.
I got up in the dark this morning thinking about stewardship – the careful and very moral responsibility to do whatever is necessary in the interest of the people and animals and money or other things entrusted to our care.
Stewardship is not a simple idea, and I take it very seriously.
There are two things I have always disliked, and can barely tolerate, to my regret – hypocrisy and coyness, especially in my writing and personal life. I promised to be honest when I started this blog, I promised myself I would no longer have secrets, I chose an open life with all of its consequences.
I know many of my dogs are not only mine, they are yours as well, and I am always mindful of that. I know from my messages that so many of you are waiting for news of Gus, and wondering if he is even still alive.
First, I wish to thank the many hundreds of people who have contacted us, put up messages on my blog and Maria’s and Facebook and other places to wish us well and give us strength and support and trust us to make the right decision for Gus. You are the bright side of the human world. You have given us strength.
We have reached no final decision about Gus and his life and future, this is the most difficult decision regarding animals that I have ever made, and that is also true of Maria.
Because Gus is so young, and so full of life, and means so much to us, it is almost unimaginable to think of killing him, or of letting him wither. We are also seeing him struggling with a downward trajectory, he is literally starving and getting sicker and more ravenous by the day. It is never natural when the young die prematurely, i have never confronted that before.
Gus deserves every consideration and we are talking, thinking, searching for any good options. I will not lie to you, we are still considering euthanasia as the best option for him, and yes, for us. But we are not there yet.
Maria and I have clear understandings about decisions like this. No argument, no coercion, we either get to the same place by free will or no decision is made.
I believe strongly in an open life, yet that is also difficult to be open in this world were people seem to free to think they know more than we do about what should happen to Gus. There are many people who would be horrified to get some of the messages I get every day, and they prefer to hide their feelings and decisions. I will never do that, to me, a writer, it is a form of slavery.
To the people who say I am asking for it, my best reply is that we lose countless voices and points of view because few people can bear unwanted intrusion into people’s lives. Social Media teaches rudeness and presumption as well as compassion and connection.
On the one side are the thoughtful and bounded people who leave us to our struggle and wish us strength, on the other are the many people who don’t know us, have never seen Gus, have no idea what his medication condition, symptoms or various issues are, and yet feel entitled to tell us in absolute terms what we should be doing.
One women begged me to pursue a treatment that we discovered would not work with Gus, and I wondered why she thought I needed her pleas to care for Gus. This loss of empathy is sometimes difficult.
I can’t imagine doing that, and will never understand it, but it is a reality of all of our lives, and it has sometimes caused me to censor myself and be less open that I wish to be and want to be. I hate that. I am a free man in a free country and I believe we all should be free to say what we believe.
I will never give into that hoary idea.
A friend recently lost his mother and requested that people not send flowers, but donate to charity instead. I cannot imagine sending him flowers with a note saying “I know you don’t want flowers, but here are some anyway.I think the dead deserve flowers.”
People who pay no need to what people want are not being helpful, they are thinking of themselves, they do what makes them feel good. It seems a selfish impulse to me, not a generous one.
This kind of immorality applies to the animal world.
Dogs are not equal to us in many ways, they are dependent on us. They have no money or language to speak for themselves or feed themselves. They can’t hire lawyers to represent them.
I believe we are their stewards, we must represent them in the most compassionate and honest and faithful of ways. We must be strong on their behalf, and make the hard decisions they cannot make for themselves. if we don’t, who will?
There is this idea in the dog world that dogs must never die, they must be kept alive by any means at all costs, no matter their suffering. In this world, there are always alternatives, new ideas, experiments, research, miraculous stories to support the premise, online gurus and amateur physicians and vets, there are always ways to prolong life and confuse the people who have tough decisions to make.
Vets have so many horror stories about dogs who suffer great pain because people cannot let them go.
The cruelest program I have seen in the name of helping dogs – and other animals – is the no-kill shelter movement.
There is no more unnatural or disorienting life for a dog than to be closeted in a crate for years or a lifetime so people can feel good about themselves, and believe they have “rescued” an animal, and are thus morally superior. That is not stewardship to me, it is moral confusion, a kind of avoidance and cowardice.
Sometimes you love a dog by letting go. And yes, sometimes you love a dog by killing him.
The true steward of animals cannot rule out death or an end to suffering, or eternal and often expensive efforts to prolong life.
That not only takes money away from dogs who need assistance and can be adopted and lead normal lives, and have health issues than can be cured, it promotes great suffering and emotional torment and reduces the idea of true compassion to bathos and knee-jerk political positions.
If you have no choice, then you have no need to think or reason, and if you have no need to think or reason, you cannot be a faithful steward to anything.
Some of the saddest things I have seen in my life and work with dogs are dogs who live in crates, and become passive and disconnected creatures. Just look at their eyes. I would much prefer for my dogs to die than to suffer that fate.
The idea that dogs must never die is, in my mind, a sign of weakness, not strength or empathy. We all must die, we all suffer, there are no exceptions in the material world.
Having said that, I am well aware many good people feel differently, I do respect that. We all have to find our own way.
Stewardship is a moral responsibility. People have suggested I hand Gus over to someone else to care for, rather than see him euthanized. Passing a chronically ill dog off to someone else is a violation of my idea of stewardship, he is my responsibility, and Maria’s, and we will do our jobs.
It reminds me that it is not about what I want, it is about what is best for Gus.
The idea that we can never accept the idea that a dog should ever die is the abrogation of moral responsibility. It causes great guilt and suffering in people.
A man wrote me the other day – this is why people hide their decisions and scold me for being so foolish as to be open – and asked if I would have euthanized my daughter if she had a chronic and fatal disease. The fact that he even asked me such a question told me so much about the confused moral state that sometimes permeates the animal world now.
When we fail to discern the difference between a human child and a dog, we are lost. I should say that if my daughter ever had a fatal illness and lived in endless agony and suffering, I would hope her life might be ended in a legal way, if that was what she wanted, and there were every such a thing in our country. Humans and dogs are entitled to be protected from extreme suffering.
In the course of Gus’s disease – and yes, suffering – I have talked to veterinarians, consultants, been on many online sites, studied X-rays and case histories, talked to many people who have endured megaesophagus with their dogs, spend days on nutrition mixes and experiments. I am comfortable I know what I need to know and have done everything that could be done.
I plead guilty to hubris and delusion, for a few days there, I thought I could find a way to beat it by mixing the right foods. I have suffered from delusions before, it does not ever turn out well.
In this arena, I am also mindful that I am not alone. Maria is a very strong woman, but she is not a veteran Internet warrior, as I have been for decades. She is struggling enough with the emotional impact of this decision, she does not need amateur diagnosticians and insensitive and self-righteous people telling her what to do, or criticizing her for what she might do.
She is an intensely emotional creature, and she is hurting, she will know what to do. I told her this morning that we would not be alive if we were not strong.
People often tell me that intrusive people pushing advice – often grossly inaccurate and useless – are only trying to help. That is not my belief. They are trying to feel good about themselves. If they cared about me, that would respect my wishes. No flowers, please, give the money to the refugee kids.
So here we are, and the truth is this. We are not yet sure. We just aren’t.
The process is chewing us and our emotions up, and we both know we need some resolution. I’m sorry I can’t say more, I just don’t know more. And I will share what news there is, and I will be honest and open about it.
Thanks again for listening to me and sharing my life. I can’t thank you enough for the support and understanding you have shown us. There are so many good people in the world, and they are eager to do good.
I cannot even fathom trying to tell you and Maria what to do about Gus. He is yours; the decisions will be those that you and Maria agree upon. I wish you strength, although you both have shown strength through this whole ordeal. Thank you for sharing.
One thing I forgot to mention in an earlier comment (yesterday?) is that one of the reasons I follow your blog is that I am trying to learn from you, specifically your openness and honesty. I am definitely one of those voices who often prefers to remain silent rather than endure the judgment and hostility of those who feel so free to offer these. I admire that you do not remain silent, but continue to speak out, and I can see that the price is often steep. I hope to one day become so brave, but I do not know if it will happen. My skin is thin.
I feel for you all, and I wish for you the greatest strength and clarity.
you are very compassionate and eloquent, Marianne..thanks..
This is such an important & poignant message Jon. I am sending prayers to You & Maria & all of your animals. I have come to the conclusion that loving someone truly is about supporting them on their journey, doing our best with all of our heart & mind & souls. I also believe animals have a spiritual journey as well, & pick their caregivers to help them on their journey. Although it is hard, there are always gifts for us both. I also believe Love reaches to many places we cannot always see or feel, perhaps until we travel to the other side. In the meantime, we love & do our best. Blessings to you all! <3
I have read your blog off and on for years, as well as many of your books. I feel for you and the sad situation you are in with Gus but have no doubts about your ability to handle whatever comes your way. I love reading about your farm, your relationships, your work, and probably most of all, about your dogs. To me your honesty is refreshing and very much appreciated. Gus is your and Maria’s dog and nobody else should try to help you decide what to do, unless of course you ask them. I have loved reading about Gus and how he has changed some of your thinking about small dogs. However long or short his life may end up being I think it will be a great one with you!
thanks holly
One of our dogs became very ill and was on intravenous for 2 days and several meds she would not eat it drink on her own my husband force fed her fir a week before we decided it was time to let her go as hard as it was I had prayed she would pass on her own but in the end we had to make the decision god bless
My husband, a retired veterinarian, and I have faced numerous difficult euthanasia decisions over the years with our own pets, but never one as difficult as you are facing now with a young, happy, loving dog. I know you and Maria will make the best choice for Gus, in spite of the heartache it will bring.
My very best wishes to you, Maria, and Gus while you work your way through whatever decisions about Gus you end up making. Even though I have had to make tough decisions about my own dogs over the years, I can’t even start to know how tough it’s being for you. Every situation is different; every dog is different; every owner is different. The bond you have with Gus is different from the bond I have with my own dog. I know that you will end up doing what is best for Gus and for the two of you. Gus is a lucky dog to have landed in your arms.
We’ve lost 3 pugs in this last year all in different ways. All were what others would call “old” but were happy and playful until each of their maladies brought them down. We are devastated. That being said, I believe you give them the best life possible. Their happiness and vitality is more important than the actual length of life. It is Gus’s journey and there is no one more qualified to go on that journey than his family. My thoughts are with you, no one should ever criticize. It is easy to see the love you have for Gus.
thank you for continuing to share so openly this difficult and at times confusing journey. You two have been truly wonderful stewards of Gus. Not that it really matters, but I want you to know that I trust and support any decision that you make—a decision that only you and Maria, along with your vet, can make. I don’t understand how anyone who reads your blog, could feel otherwise. Best of wishes to you now.
It does matter, Pamela, and thanks..
Once again, thank you for your honesty and candor in sharing your life with us. All my best to you and Maria as you navigate this difficult situation. I wish you both strength and clarity. Take care…
I am in 100% agreement. We chose to put down our beloved 5 year old Jack Russell when she was suffering and we had done all we could and had some strong negative reactions–some of which really hurt our 9 year old daughter. It is never an easy choice or one we “want” to make.
thanks..
My heart goes out to you. It is hard enough to euthanize an old dog that is ill. I cannot imagine dealing with what you have to decide but I know it will be the right thing. I am so sorry.
Stewardship is serious business. I’ve been in your shoes and I didn’t like it one bit. You’ll know when it’s time. Sending some white light your way…
Only you and Maria know what is best. Gus, and all of your animals, are lucky that you can and do put their needs before yours.
You have made Gus part of all of our lives through words and pictures, and if we believe that then we also know he is in the most loving care.
Best to you all.
thanks.
Jon. This was difficult to read. It must be even more difficult to endure. I have no doubt you and Maria know all there is to know about Gus’s condition and will do what is best for him. Your thoughts on euthanasia today relieved my guilt about euthanizing my dog CoCo in the prime of life but with an incurable and ultimately fatal disease. I see now that releasing her from suffering was my duty. I think your reflections about hubris made things “click”. We can’t always fix things.but we can always do our best. That’s what you and Maria are doing. Thanks.
Guilt is a poison, Susie…only the good people feel it..
Thinking of you both as you sort thru this decision. I have been in that position in the past…and comments that came at me only hurt..they do not help. You will do what is necessary and compassionate…that’s how you both are. Hugs to you all, including Gus!!
Jon & Maria, I can’t imagine how one or the two of you approaches a subject such as this. We’ve made this decison more times than I care to recall, but each were carefully considered and at or near the end of life for a Golden or a Lab, or cat, so my heart and prayers are with you both. Knowing your decision is the right one, as only you two know your pup and love him unconditionally. I usually say a prayer to St. Francis to help feel at ease with the ultimate outcome, no pain, no suffering. Bless you both for putting this all out there, you’re both courageous and brave in such a social media conscious frenzied atmosphere. And you were so absolutely clear that love, and the animal’s comfort are guiding you both. May your story comfort others who may have to go where you are now. Blessings, Jean
Jon you will know If and when. You have made many difficult decisions in your life. We all know you and Maria are doing all you can.
Best wishes to you and Maria as you ponder this sad situation. I know you will do what is best for Gus. When I first began following your blog, I didn’t often agree with your thinking, but you always made me think. I have changed my thinking on many matters. I have pretty much always agreed with your handling of animals. I used to think you were rather crass and hard. I have learned such is not the case. Keep on making me think.
this photo is so beautiful in black and white.
the lighting…so perfect.
the emotions of black and white photography is so powerful in this photo.
i need to read your blog piece now but just had to mentioned the photo first.
i simply can not find the words..so beautiful I’m in tears.
hugs to you both.
You are both honest, brave and strong. You will do what is right for Gus, as you do for all of the creatures who share life with you and depend on you for their care. You give many of us great gifts by sharing the ups and downs of your lives with such honesty and eloquence . I thank you, and I send heartfelt wishes for peace in your hearts.
Dear Jon and Maria,
I am so sorry to read of your pain with this decision. I’ve been there with my dogs and the pain is familiar to me. My viewpoint on these matters has evolved and I hope I have learned with each experience. I feel that today my decisions might be somewhat different than they were in the past. Your writing has contributed to my thinking about these matters. We try to figure out what is best for the animals that are entrusted to us as best we can. Both of you and your animals are in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks for sharing what you can of this, but please be careful to guard you privacy as much as you need to.
Ann
The Little Prince
Sorry that this part of life is rough at the moment. Thinking of you both
.
Thanks, my life is wonderful and rich. This is all just a part of life…
You are both so kind and loving. I Know you will make the kindest and most loving decisions. May you be richly blessed
beautiful picture of sweet Gus and gorgeous Red! Best wishes to you and Maria
OF COURSE you alone can make your own decisions. And, as someone once told me, “Whatever choice you make, it is the right one.” This was said in reference to my experiencing a similar difficult decision. Wishing you well. We are with you! So many of us.
Dear Jon and Maria: I know you and Maria will do what is best for Gus. You have done that for each of your dogs. You have served as a guide for my wife and I when it came time to say good byre to one of our dogs. Your book on letting go o of a sick animal was perfectly written and served as a guide to my wife Marie and I. We have kept a copy of that book in our library and given copies to friends who have had to say good bye to a loving companion. Hugs to You, Maria and of course Gus.