“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another.” – Thomas Merton, Love And Living.

For me, love is  being known.

I thought it was more complicate that, but in my mind,  being loved is when someone looks at you and sees you, right through to the soul.

All of my life, even now,  I have not been known or seen, not by people I know, not by friends, by teachers, by family. Perhaps I have been hiding, or could not bear to be known, and did not wish to be seen.

The people in my life have rushed past me like a raging stream, or perhaps I have rushed past them, I can’t really know. They are almost all gone now, very much alive but out of my life. I miss some of them, and regret losing them.

But I never regret my life, every day of it was necessary for me to be who I am, for better or worse.

When Maria and I met a decade ago, we both had the same extraordinary experience.

We saw each other, were each, suddenly known. Our worlds change, there was life before we saw each other, and life after. Maria told me that I was the first person in  her life she could talk to  easily and openly, and with so much trust. I told her I felt the same thing.

It was a stunning feeling.  The world changed colors and hues. It was not quite like first love or young love, it was so much deeper and transforming.

We know other people who have experienced the revelation of being seen, we know them when we see them, they are brothers and sisters to us. They are our tribe.

I didn’t know at first, that this was love, or could lead to love. Love is our true destiny,” wrote Thomas Merton. “We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with  another.”

But this love is  still true, deeper and more powerful than ever. We see each other.

That is the poem that has become the centerpiece of our lives, along with our work. I never knew that was love, I had little experience of being known. Life was a moat, I lived deep inside the dark castle, no one could see in.

In Maria, II saw an artist and a beautiful and gifted soul, she saw an artist who wished to come out, and a man who was broken and wished to do good but was trapped inside of himself. She saw me. She saw past the trouble  and into the soul.

We saw that we were on the same path, towards building a creative life together. We found meaning together, and worked hard and fought hard for our lives.

It was exhilarating and transforming,  that was the first time that had happened to us in both of our lives. Not being known is a lonely place to be, loneliness is the very  definition of being unknown, of being invisible, of being able to hide.

Being seen is not the same thing as not being seen. The two are on the opposite ends of life.

Being known means being trusted, being accepted. It doesn’t matter what you look like or talk like, it is the extraordinary, even thrilling sensation of finally being seen, being known.

Merton was creative, I could not find the meaning of life by myself, I have begun to find the meaning in my life through life, it is my true destiny.

When we saw one another, we fell in love, although neither of us understand what love was at the time.  We have stayed in love, and grown together in love.

Surprisingly, I never fear the loss of this love. If for any reason Maria chose to be with someone else – that is always her right – I would still always feel seen, known and loved. I would accept life and honor it.

Being seen is a transformative experience. All of my life, I have waited for that, and when I found it, I knew  I was coming to life, that my life would change, that I would find my purpose.

I could not find the meaning of life by myself alone.