Someone asked me on Facebook the other day why I didn’t bring Red with me when I went into a convenience store to have coffee with my friend Ali? She said she was just curious. I am often asked that question when I post a photo of me without a dog in it.

I told her the truth. The answer is no. I don’t want Red to be with me everywhere I go, and neither do many other people.

This morning, I  saw a new report about a woman who tried to take an “Emotional Needs Peacock” on board an airline and was refused permission. She was one of more than 250,000 people who attempted or did bring “Emotional Needs” dogs, or snakes or lizards, or birds or rabbits or ferrets or rats on board airlines last year.

For once, I had good thoughts about an airline. This inspired me to write about the ethics and etiquette of exploiting dogs or other animals in that way, and completely disregarding the needs and well-being of humans in the process. We are rapidly losing all of our boundaries when it comes to dogs.

They will suffer for it, not us.

I have had three therapy dogs – Lenore, Izzy, Red, (Gus in training) in my life.

They were not  Emotional Needs or Emotional Therapy dogs. They were just therapy dogs. Lenore dropped out (I fired her) because of undue interest in the food of hospice patients. Izzy and Red were stellar.

Red is the best.

It took me several years to train these two dogs, and both passed a rigorous temperament exam from a vet and a rigorous dog therapy certification organization in Vermont. Red wears his ID, number and badge wherever he goes.

I am no Therapy Dog snob. Having a therapy dog does not make me superior, or even equal, to other people.

I don’t need a vest or handkerchief of flashing light or bumper sticker announcing there is a therapy dog on board and requesting caution  (it’s apparently okay to crash into a car with regular dogs on board.)

Red, to be clear, is not my Emotional Needs dog, he is a dog trained carefully to meet the emotional needs of others. That was the idea.

If I couldn’t ride on an airplane without a peacock or rabbit or snake, I think the answer for me would be to get more help than a peacock or rabbit might offer me.

I meet a lot of people all the time who ask me if they can do therapy work with their dogs, but they rarely, if ever, do the training or pass the certification test, which examines the dogs in all sorts of chaotic and even aggressive simulated circumstances. I know many people who simply walk their dogs into hospitals and elderly care facilities  and are astonished when the dogs gets spooked, jumps on people, knocks them over, or runs off out of control.

Many people have told me they know their dogs will make great therapy dogs because they have been abused. I never respond. What I am thinking is that a dog who is chronically abused is very likely to make a bad therapy dog through no fault of their own. They have frightened or injured in ways we can’t really know, and thus we can’t protect them from surprises.

It is a great thing to bring a dog to comfort people, it is a foolish thing to think any dog can do this work because you love him. The most  terrifying words in the dog universe – they are often heard – are “Sorry! He’s never done that before!”

What is Red trained to do? He will not approach any person without a hand signal from me. He is trained to refuse any offer of food, as food can distract a therapy dog from people, and ruin them. He is trained to never jump on anyone, the elderly or people in hospice care are easily knocked over, their skin tears easily, they be frightened badly by the sudden movements of animals, even run and fall.

He is trained to look away from people who look away from him. He is trained to sit quietly for hours if necessary.

He will not bark at or response to cats or fight with other dogs. He is not startled by sudden and unfamiliar movements o by sirens, fireworks or other loud and sharp noises.

I am proud of Red, I trained him well.

But he didn’t need to learn to be gentle and intuitive, that is his nature, the foundation of his work. I could built on his nature, not create it.

People who haul Peacocks onto planes because they can’t bear to fly without them are doing great harm to the therapy  dogs who are so carefully trained and who do so much great work, because if the airlines ban animals, then so will hospitals and hospice facilities and assisted care organization.  They are turning therapy work into another TV and Internet joke, a ridicule channel.

Their lawyers would love to get dogs out of most institutions, they are potential liabilities, especially if they are not trained or certified or vaccinated. Everywhere we go, we present a rabies and health certificate from the vet..

Do I bring Red everywhere I go? No, I don’t.

I don’t take him on vacation, I consider my vacations partly a vacation from dogs. I can sleep late, walk where I want, and don’t have to carry those plastic bags around.

Why would I bring Red into a convenience store? Some people are afraid of dogs, some find them unhealthy near food. Some just don’t want to eat near them. I’m happy to have some time away from Red. I don’t need for Red to everywhere with me, he’s quite happy in his crate or lying by the wood stove.

At the dentist’s office, they always ask for Red, and I bring him where he is invited, never to where he isn’t. I never presume people want to be close to my dogs or touch them if they don’t ask. Some people are terrified of dogs, many gave been bitten or traumatized by them.

Am I so needy that I can’t go into a convenience store and have a cup of coffee by myself? Or take a walk by myself? Or go shopping by myself? The Emotional Needs epidemic is not good for dogs or people. And nothing is free. If you want a dog to connect to people in a positive and nourishing way, it takes work, not a warm and sticky impulse.

Taking a ferret or rat onto a place to meet the emotional needs of the passenger gives therapy work with dogs a bad lame, and will inevitably lead to restrictions and bureaucratic obstacles. A hospital executive told me a few months ago that every hospital or health care administrator hates dealing with animals  (even if they love them) because of possible infections or other behavioral problems. Most would be  relieved to keep them out.

Lawyers hate any kind of lawsuit risk, and I have met two people in hospice facilities who were bitten by dogs who had “never done that before,” and were neither trained or certified before. The facilities were both sued. The dogs owners said they knew they could be therapy dogs because they were so nice.

The Emotional Needs Animal could use offer administrators the very excuse they’ve been needing.

There are professional social workers, psychologists and therapists who can help people overcome fears like aviophobia, the fear of flying.  A good therapist will probably have more treatment ideas than a peacock, and a visit to a counselor will not frighten, disturb or anger humans entitled to their privacy and security.

When I go to a friend’s house for dinner, I do not need a dog there to worry about, walk or coo over. I like being able to talk with people without distraction. And yes, I do love people more than dogs, I’ll be happy to admit it.

I love my dogs and enjoy my time with them, I also believe in boundaries. It seems hundreds of thousands of people are losing their boundaries when it comes to animals and traveling and therapy work with animals. I did not bring any dog to New Mexico, and had a blast.

This therapy work is precious and important work, and Red and I worked hard to learn it,  it gives me worms to see it trivialized and exploited in so thoughtless a way. I always want to stand in the shoes of other people. A lot of people, perhaps even a majority of people, do not wish to encounter dogs everywhere they go.

I am one of them. Dogs were never meant to be our personal therapists.  That is something people want, not dogs.

No, Red does not need to go everywhere I go. We need to keep some space between us.