Red is one of those dogs who is always there. He and I are symbiotic now, we move together, anticipate one another. Red is always there, behind me when I write, in the car when I drive, in the pasture when we are outside. When I think of Red, I think of the writing of the famed analyst Dorothy Burlingham

She writes in her book “Twins” about the fantasy twin that children conjure up when they are lonely or frightened or  upset with their parents.

The twin is very often an animal, “meant to fulfill many of the daydreamer’s longings, above all to keep him from solitude and loneliness. The child with a fantasy twin has a constant companion, just as the child who owns an imaginary animal never lacks companionship.

As in the case of the animal fantasies, the two share everything, good and bad experiences, and complete understanding of one another either speech is not necessary or they have a secret language; the understanding between them goes beyond the realm of consciousness.

I have often written about humans who always talk about their dogs (and often at great length) but who are reluctant to look at themselves to understand their own needs and wants when it comes to dogs. I understand that so many ways I am (or was) that lonely and frightened child, as is true of so many loves of dogs and animals. We are always looking for our companions and fantasy twins.

I used to turn around all the time and ask “where’s Red,” but then came to learn he was always there. We almost never speak to one another, words are unnecessary, we speak a secret, and often, unspoken, language, our understanding goes beyond the realm of consciousness.

I believe that dogs like Red come when they are needed, and leave when they are ready, we don’t have nearly as much to say about it as we like to think. I feel no guilt when a dog dies, he or she goes when they need to go, and I look for another dog to love as soon as I can.

Red is ten years old now, he will be here with me for as long as we have work to to together, that is my belief. He will go when he is done.

I do not spend much time or energy mourning for dogs who have gone, I would rather be grateful for the gifts and joy and companionship they gave me when they were alive. Every time Red is sick, I understand that I must begin to prepare for his absence, and do him the great honor of being grateful for his presence rather than mourning his loss.