We went to a funeral home in Watervliet, N.Y. last night to join Connie’s family at an evening service there. Her best friend was there, also her family and Father Ed, the Catholic priest who conducted the service.

It was a simple, short service, Connie was laid out in a coffin for viewing. A the end of the service, I went up to the casket to say goodbye. It was strange for me to see Connie, she looked so different from the Connie I knew.

Red was remarkable, I think he personally greeted each of the score of people at the service. He was quiet and gentle, he is a brilliant therapy dog.

I learned a lot about Connie, she was a hunter, I discovered, and had a long history of caring for people. I was interested to see some of the family photos up on the funeral hoe wall, Connie loved her family very much.

I read some excerpts from my writing on the blog, talked briefly to Mitch, who I have come to know a bit in the past few days.

Red seemed eager to comfort everyone in the room, and I think he did a lot of good there.

Almost everyone in the room knelt down to hug him and pet him. It is astonishing to me still to see Red enter a room, size it up and find the people who want to see him, and ignore the people who don’t.

Red  lay down next to one of Connie’s sons as I spoke, and came with me to look in the casket. I don’t know what he knew or saw as we approached the gasket, he gave no signs of recognition.

It was curious for me to be behind a podium that wasn’t a reading in a hall or bookstore. Maria joked that she thought I might be confused because there was no applause.

I didn’t expect that but almost asked if there were any questions, and then caught myself. There are times to be interactive, and times not to be.

Maria came with me, and I am so glad we met the family. I talked about my work with Connie, and her love for Red and Maria. I think I am spent a bit since Connie died, it was surprisingly emotional to me.

Maria was in tears at the service, Red was loving to everyone, and subdued also. He did pick up some of the vibes in the room for sure.

And tomorrow, even more so, the Mansion is holding its memorial service for Connie, and I think it will be very tough on the residents. Connie was much-loved and respected there.  I’m going to speak again at the Mansion at the morning memorial.

I have a few more thoughts about Connie to share, and I will do that here on the blog. But tomorrow begins my moving forward. There are lots of people there to talk to and visit, and ask my favorite question, “what can I do for you? What do you need?”

I knew as we got close to Connie that her loss would be emotional and felt more deeply than I have permitted myself to  feel in the past. I learned in hospice that the way to be effective is to listen and observe and to stand back.

One of Connie’s relatives took me aside and told me she was sure I had to do some grieving. This had not occurred to me, I am not the ones who have experienced the loss, I could see the grief in their faces.

But I guess I have some processing to do.

And some good work.

I’m not going to get much good done giving speeches.