The author Wendell Berry writes of the skeptic’s impulse, he was watching a heron flying in such a beautiful way it seemed to confirm the presence of a free nonhuman joy in the world – a joy he felt a great need to believe in.

He admitted that he had the skeptic’s impulse to doubt that he had even seen it. If he had, he thought, it would be a sign of the presence of something heavenly in the earth.

And then, he wrote, one evening a year later, he saw it again.

I know about the skeptic’s impulse, I have it, and I believe that most curious, open-minded and intelligent people have it.

A skeptic is a person inclined to question or doubt many, if not all, commonly accepted opinions. In ancient times, a skeptic was an ancient or modern philosopher who denies the possibility of knowledge, or even rational belief. Skepticism was a discipline, a kind of philosophy that challenge conventional wisdom.

I have never been inclined to blindly accept the dogma or certainties of other people – not a religion, the Bible, a politician who kisses babies, the left, the right, arrogant parents or dogmatic teachers.

I worship the power and judgments of my own mind, and I am skeptical of the things others assure me is the absolute truth.

The world is not black or white for me, but hues of many colors. This skepticism has blocked me, at times, from accepting the beauty and power of the natural world, the mystical symbolism of animals, the existence of a monotheistic God, even the trust and good will of human beings.

I am  wary of skepticism, it often can turn into a kind of cynicism, widespread among the intellectuals and philosophers and journalists of our time. I am also a skeptic, a journalist and writer, my work would be nearly useless without doubt and thought.

The real meaning of the term skepticism has nothing much to do with doubt or disbelief or a negative way of looking at things.

Skepticism is actually a philosophical and scientific discipline, it refers to the process of applying reason and critical thinking to an  idea or belief to determine its validity. It is the process of  reaching a conclusion that is supported, not simply declared or preconceived.

The increasingly bitter conflict between President Trump and his supporters and the media can also be understood in a broader context. It is a conflict between dogma and certain belief – what the President says is, to  him, the absolute truth  – and the ancient role of the journalist to be skeptical of absolute truth,  to think critically and search for validity and ratification.

The President and his supporters do not believe his actions should ever be challenged or question, or that anything he says might ever be false. Their leader is, to them, a quasi-religious figure, akin to a Pope or prophet.  His ideas should be accepted, like Christ’s, as  the absolute truth. Skeptics – journalists –  thus become blasphemers and heretics, an enemy to be cast aside.

Journalism is, by definition, a skeptic’s craft. I loved being a journalist who was asked to be a skeptic, to afflict the comforted and comfort the afflicted.

But the true skeptic is not looking to debunk, he is simply looking for what it truth insofar as it can be proven.

It is inaccurate, say skeptics,  to say skepticism is a dark value system, or that “Skeptics don’t believe in ghosts.” Some do. Many skeptics are deeply religious, and are satisfied with the reasoning process that led them there. Skeptics apply critical thinking to different aspects of their lives in their own individual way. Everyone is a skeptic to some degree.

I sometimes believe in ghosts, and sometimes I don’t. And up here in the country, I have actually seen ghosts. And I’m still skeptical of their existence.

When we were struggling to sell the first Bedlam Farm, a spiritual healer assured me that if we put statues on the windowsills and buried a statue of St. Joseph on the front lawn, the house would be sold.  She said I needed to apologize to the house before it could let me go.

I was skeptical, and the house did not sell. I resisted the idea that I was somehow spiritually to blame for the failure of the house to sell. And I wished I had challenged the self-proclaimed spiritual healer to justify her claims.

The skeptical impulse can save me from  being manipulated, and often helps me to see reality. I do not believe children are born as sinners, I do not believe politicians who say they are going to dismantle the system that enriches them and oppresses the vulnerable, I do not believe the moon has healing powers.

I believe animals come for a reason, and that they can speak to us. And I do believe that light is holy and color is a sign from the angels. I believe that the energy of our lives and experiences resides inside of us and shapes our existence. I do believe animals feel joy and that the trees know us and care for one another and hurt when they are sick or killed.

I believe I have lived on a farm before, and many times and I believe that dogs are spirit animals who come for a reason and leave for a reason. We are all creatures of our own value system, and many people challenge my system of beliefs all of the time.

One woman despises my writing and my blog and books, she has written on a website that my therapy work with Red is simply another false narrative concocted to sell books and make myself look good. Is she a skeptic or a cynic? I can’t really say.

I seek a spiritual life, and in a sense, a true spiritual life is not really compatible with skepticism, because it can’t really be seen or proven in a rational or scientific way. Truth faith, I think, asks us to let go of skepticism and take the leap. Truly spiritual people always have doubt, and they always understand that they are in conflict with rational thought and interior belief.

I believe that most people are good, given the chance, and I believe that Mother Earth is dying and that we are called to save her. I believe the poor need hope and are not to blame for their suffering. I don’t want my skepticism to turn to cynicism and doubt.

I don’t wish to lose my skeptic’s impulse, but I try to work and keep it from become a wall that blocks spirituality, compassion and empathy. But I don’t wish to be taken over by it, either. Thus the dance. Somethings cannot be cleanly resolved.

The skeptic’s dance is never quite over, and the skeptic will always be caught between two worlds, that of hope and promise, and that of trust, worry and anger.

I cherish the skeptic’s impulse, even though I am wary of it.

As for me, I hope I retain the ability to doubt and question the dogma of other people, especially powerful ones like politicians and billonaires. I hope it does not become a firewall keeping me from grasping the miracles and  spiritual wonder of the world.

I want it all, the rational truth and the holy light.