Looking back on it, I think this was one of the more intense and emotional weeks of my life. And one of the best.

It began with a new dog, moved to the refugee children’s retreat at Pompanuck Farm, and closed with the stories of the Mansion residents. In between was Connie and her need to walk, a re-focusing of my next book, and the loss of a very close friend.

It was a physical test for me as well as an emotional one.

Having a fast-moving new puppy requires a lot of movement, attention, thought.

The refugee retreat called for a lot of planning,  walking, standing, table-setting,  cleaning, sweeping. There was all kinds of good news. The dog has settled in beautifully, the retreat was wonderful, the Mansion stories touching and authentic, we awarded the first two refugee fund scholarships to two gifted young artists, whose work will be archived and shown all over the world. My community turned out to help the kids and make the retreat work.

I was busy every second, active every moment, listening, talking,  feeling from the minute I woke up until I put my head on the bed. How fortunate I am to have my life filling up so joyously as many people my age are looking for their condos. Life is full of mystery.

My decision to respond to the turmoil in our country by focusing on doing good has altered my life in the best possible way. I don’t care for the raging arguments that poison the very air we breathe, my work is grounding and meaningful.

But I am tired, worn to the numb. Our dog Fate seems quite ill this morning, I think she ate something foul while running around at Pompanuck, she is not from herself, and is either quite sick or has a blockage of some kind. I got very little sleep last night.

The Army Of Good has come through with many good works, but there is also a phenomenal amount of organizing, record-keeping, phone calling, I get hundreds of messages every day. Non-profit work is just what they say it is, a perpetual scramble and struggle. Still, we have $1,400 in the Children’s Refugee Fund bank account, some of it for scholarships, some of it for birthday celebrations, summer excursions, new soccer team – the Bedlam Farm Warriors – uniforms.

We have the Great Escape Adventure approaching, several day trip to Pompanuck Farm, some refugee visits to Bedlam Farm. And next week, I have to get serious about my book, now tentatively called “Gus And The Big And Small Lessons Of Bedlam Farm.”  The Army Of Good is on the march.

There is just so much to do. And when you have an Army Of Good standing alongside, doing these things is very possible. That makes it harder to relax or turn away, even for a second That drives me as nothing  before. Seeing what the Pompanuck retreat meant to the refugee children reaffirmed the worth of this work. It is possible to do good and care for others, it does matter, it does feel good.

I have never been good at regulating myself and am incompetent at relaxing.

As I get older, I gradually discover there are limits to what I can easily do, and my body punishes me quickly when I over do it, so I need to regulate myself in that way. I love to write and am writing more than ever, and sometimes my head gets as tired as my body. My body and mind are calling out to me to stop and absorb what is happening. To breathe.

I found myself standing and doing dishes for hours Thursday, it is work that I love, and yet I felt the energy just slipping out of my being. I was, as my Uncle Jack used to say, worn to the nub. And I still am. I am going out shopping for food today – we have an empty refrigerator. We have to monitor Fate closely and see is she needs emergency medical care or can wait until Monday. I have to ride my bike and nap. I’d love to read.

And there is little Gus, racing around the house like a puppy,  demanding supervision. Gus has made his debut as a therapy dog.

It was one of the best weeks of my new life, one of the most emotional and draining. I was dreaming of the Mansion stories all night, I am determined to get them published so others can read and buy them. These are the stories of life.

All in all, I can’t think of a better week or a  better way to spend it. I feel like reading this afternoon – after training Gus, going to the dump, blogging, taking some photos I like,  and doing a food shop. I can’t really help it, this is who I am.

All of these things stirred my emotions this week, all were intense and wearing and have filled my head with ideas and images.

Today, I will step back and think about them all for a bit.