My annual heart exam is always an emotional time for me. I have a good cardiologist who gives me15 minutes a year, but they were good minutes. My heart is strong and healthy, I don’t even have to see him for another year (three years out of open heart surgery). We argued about statins and beta blockers, and he buried me in stats and studies. I always feel lucky to be alive after these exams, I almost was not alive a few years ago.

He said I am doing very well, and that is good to hear. I know I am vulnerable and uneasy after these exams, they remind me of a difficult time. On the way home, I looked over and this little trailer, they call it a “Little Guy” was by the side of the road for sale.

I pulled over. The trailer is brand new, a 2017 mode. it has a stereo CD-DVD player, a flat screen TV, Internet, a small freezer and stove, a microwave oven, and a 10 by 10 foot attachable screen room that is included. The trailer costs less than one of my lenses. I could pull it in my car, all we would need is a hitch and insurance.

I loved looking at it. I have this dream of having a small trailer like that, my car could pull it. In the fantasy, Maria and I would sail off to a campground or a beautiful place in the woods for one or two nights every now and then. We would stop for dinner, park our trailer, sit out and read and talk in the attached screen room (safe from bugs) and then go and sleep in the cozy King Size bed inside.

We could bring one or two dogs, especially Leroy, the puppy. I imagine waking up in the woods, wrapped around Maria – we sleep like two octopuses all tangled up. How nice to wake up by a stream listening to song birds. There are some great camping places around here, we would have fun yakking with people. There is a small refrigerator for milk and cereal. I could blog from the trailer.

We would not go very far, or even very often, but it would be special and beautiful time. It is a bad idea for reasons that are too long to even list, and I am certain we will not do it.  Fantasies are fine, but reality is stronger.

But Maria agreed to go look at it this evening, the owner is going to meet us there. She didn’t scream at me for mentioning it or tell me I was crazy.

We have a lot going on in our lives right now, and a lot of meaningful ways to spend our money,   but this little trailer really got to me, and I love fantasizing about it. Fantasies are important. I think when you have open heart surgery and then visit your cardiologist you realize that life is short and should be lived fully and well.

After my surgery, I rejected hatred and fear for good, life really is too short, and mine could always end abruptly, as my doctor always reminds me.

I don’t know that we can afford it, and I don’t know that we would want it even if we could. I don’t even know what the final price would be. But I do want to go look at it, it is shockingly inexpensive. I can’t honestly say why. This has been a dream of mine for a long time, especially since I have been with Maria.

Maria was stunned that I had this fantasy, she said I have never even mentioned camping. This true, I have always hated the idea of camping, but this seems doable and reasonable to me. Today I was reading about a lens I did not even think of buying that cost a third more than this little trailer.

So I am sure I will come to my senses tonight, and if not, Maria will bring me to my senses. The trailer definitely spoke to me, but that doesn’t mean I have to listen.