We spent two hours this morning with Dr. Suzanne Fariello at the Cambridge Valley Vet, she is an impressive person, direct, thorough, compassionate and clear. I have great confidence in her. It was an honest exchange, and somewhat sobering. She said Red’s fever was up again, which was very troubling.

His nausea has also returned.

She examined Red, and then spent a half hour answering every question and giving us her assessment of Red and his condition.

At the moment, she is considering two possible causes – a tick-born infectious disease, they are on the rise throughout the Northeast. It is possible he has an extreme kind of Lyme’s Disease.  And also, he is possible that he has cancer.

“I can’t rule it out,” she said, “you have to be prepared for it.” She didn’t like that the fever hadn’t broken, or that his appetite had not returned. He also looked very uncomfortable.

Those symptoms are consistent with Red’s sluggishness, fever and nausea. He has had some food, but not much. Tomorrow, a specialist is coming to the clinic with ultrasound equipment, and that, in a addition to the additional blood work sent out today, should bring her and us closer to an understanding of what is wrong with Red.

Our appointment is for tomorrow morning. Dr. Fariello did some additional acupuncture with Red, and sent us home with him and some stomach medication. Red is very still, and clearly very uncomfortable. He hasn’t moved since he got home. When border collies are that still, something is wrong. I’m making some hamburger and white rice for him. He is no longer vomiting, that is good.

But the trajectory is up and down.  He is not yet on a clear path to recovery. That suggests something serious.

Sometimes he is more alert and lively than other times.But he is also a border collie, and they do not ever show pain or resignation, and have been known to practically rise from the dead.

The ultrasound will also help Dr. Fariello eliminate a number of possible causes. She is puzzled by Red’s stubborn nausea and fever. Those symptoms usually respond to medication. It was not what I was hoping to hear, but I remain both confident and hopeful that Red’s condition will be treatable.

This morning, I slowly realized that I needed to read my own book, “Talking To Animals,” I needed to listen and get a sense of my dog and where he truly is. Red and I are very close, if I can communicate with a 3,000 lb steer, I can communicate with him.

I remember when Rose, and then Izzy, and then Lenore and Frieda died. In each case, it was clear to me that the dog was spent and was ready to leave the world. It is my responsibility to make this decision, I never hide behind the dogs. But I can feel it when their spirit does, and Red’s spirit is very much alive.

I remember finding Rose on the floor by the back door, vomiting food and blood and I felt very clearly that she was ready to go and seeking my help in leaving in comfort and dignity

i had the same feeling with Izzy, who had cancer, and Lenore, who was in terrible pain, and Frieda, who was simply exhausted. I had no doubt what those dogs were telling me, and was clear about advocating  a peaceful and loving departure from our world for them.  They can’t do this for themselves, we have to do it for them.

At such times, I remember that I am their voice, I must do what is best for them, not for me.

It is, as you know, difficult to have a dog who is very ill. We have already passed the $1,100 dollar mark and we have a way to go, no matter what. Tomorrow we will have the information we need to make the right decisions for Red and for us, and my expectation is for some resolution and for a way of healing him.

( I should make clear that I’m not seeking donations for Red’s treatment and am not in need of them, thanks.)

We don’t put a dollar limit on Red’s treatment, but I have moral objections to spending many thousands of dollars on dogs or causing them extreme suffering because we can’t let go. Again, we are not there, but I always want these things to be clarified in advance, not in the heat of the moment. We can talk to Suzanne openly and honestly.

As you know, I have strong feelings about not causing extreme suffering for dogs out of human selfishness. Either way, I will seek to do – with Maria’s counsel and participation – what is right for him.

I don’t have those same feelings with Red, I am not a doctor or veterinarian, but I do feel Red is not done here on the earth. When it is time, it will be clear. We are doing great things together, and perhaps my judgment is clouded by my love for him, but I think I am clear-headed enough to see the truth, for his sake as well as mine.

I told Dr. Fariello that unlike my other dogs, he does not seem ready to go, at least not for me. He is doing wonderful work and has much more wonderful work to do. He has already done wonderful work on me and with me.

I believe he wants to finish it. I don’t see him fading away or dying. I just don’t feel it, and I believe that is what he is telling me. That might sound strange to people, but it is not strange to me.

I am not God, and I am not a seer or a psychic. And I am not objective, either. I could well be wrong. But Red is a spirit dog, and spirit dogs come when they are needed and leave when they are ready. Red is very much-needed and I do not believe he is nearly ready.