“Life is a not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be lived. Follow the path that is no path, follow your bliss.” – Joseph Campbell.

It’s about time, I suppose. Maria woke up from a nap this afternoon, turned and looked at me, and said, “you’re turning gray. Did this just happen? Did it happen when I was away?” I don’t know when this happened, perhaps it was her going to India that did it. I mean, I am going to be 70 years old next year, and I am entitled to turn gray.

I’ve been through a fair amount of life, and while I am loving my life more than ever, and am even a grandfather, the spiritualists say you keep all of the bad energy inside of you, it is stored in various parts of the body.

Recently, a massage therapist I know volunteered to do distance energy work on me, over the phone, and I agreed to try it out. She said she had an amazing experience, watching my blood and heart move around from miles away, I felt peace and calm but none of the fireworks. Perhaps that turned me gray.

I kind of like it, to be honest. Gives me a bit of a distinguished hue, a sort of elder statesman kind of look. Venerable writers ought to be gray. I am beginning to respect myself, and so others are beginning to respect me.

I see that the gray goes well with the silk scarf Maria brought me from India, and my favorite L.L. Bean sweater, which I am wearing every single day and will soon disintegrate.

I see myself as beginning to be old, but perhaps I am just old. I don’t really feel old, and  don’t ever engage in old talk, you know, the faux chipper “at our age,” or “we are all slowing down at our age,” or stuff like that. I always say or  think, speak for yourself, we are not all one thing, we don’t all feel that way.

I tell the children at the Dunkin Donuts window to save my senior discount for a young couple with kids, they need it more than I do. And I rarely permit the kids at the hardware store to carry stuff to my car. I am not impaired.

I understand that I have many fewer years ahead of me than behind me, and this is a signal to live and love wisely and compassionately as well. Every day, I ask myself what creative thing can I do, what experience can I pass along, what good can I do for someone in the world. And i try to do it.

In part, aging is physical for me. My legs get sore, I do not bend down as easily, I take medication for diabetes and heart disease, once in a while, I even nap. I do not feel diminished or worn out, I feel more creative, active and relevant than I ever have, I am even beginning to teach well and learning how to be a better human being.

I am boiling over with life.

In part, it is a state of mind. Like Grandma Moses said, you have to make the most out of life. The night after my open heart surgery, I shocked my ICU nurses  by telling them I had to get up and walk. I walked for three days was discharged earlier, the earliest ever in that ward. I am walking still. That’s how I intend to end up.

I meditate, make time to listen to music. I love my  blog and the books I am working on, I think I am just learning how to write.

I have love and even sex in my life. I have good friends who are nourishing to be with, and may hopes and expectations for the future. My granddaughter will be coming to the farm in the Spring, I will introduce her to her first donkey, it will alter her life.

She will have a crazy grandfather on a farm, it will be irresistible to a Brooklyn kid.

I don’t want to let Maria off the hook, since she didn’t notice my graying hair before the trip I can blame it on her. I have been noticing it for a while, although I rarely look in the mirror. Still, two weeks of running the house and the farm mostly by myself left me a wreck and probably added some hue to the little gray cells.

Joseph Campbell says that destiny is simply the fulfillment of the potentiality and the energy in your own system of myth and life.  You have got to say yes to the miracle of life, whether or not it follows your rules and expectations. Life is a miracle and a gift, either way.