India Is Two Weeks AwayI

I got sick yesterday, a cold or a flu and have been drooling and staggering around the house, the world is pretty fuzzy, but I can still write. Maria suggests we cancel Saturday’s one day overnight to celebrate her 53rd birthday, she is but a child. I keep telling her I have a lifetime of wisdom and experience beyond her.

But she simply laughs at me.

I am not canceling our trip tomorrow, even if I have to be carried into the hotel.

I have a couple of neat and modest gifts and am looking forward to honoring this day with her, we will be apart for a time soon enough. I was stunned this morning when I asked Maria how far off her trip to Kolkata (Calcutta) India is, and she said she was leaving in just two weeks.

Can it really be so close. She is ready, I think, I’m not so sure about me.

My heart did quite a flutter, I had to see where my heart pills were sitting in their shiny silver case. Time to prepare myself, to practice feeling sorry for myself, to recall my experiences with aloneness. Things are going to get crazy for the both of us.

No one has invited me to dinner, and I think that’s a good thing. I can feed myself, and I have plenty to do. One she’s gone, I will be fine. But still…It is hard to imagine life for any length of time without her, not only personally, but in terms of her very great presence on the farm.

I am very excited for her. I think this trip will be a life-changer, not to put too much on it. I think it is her destiny to teach the women who have suffered from sex trafficking how to make the gentle and durable potholder. Something everyone needs, all across the world

Maria is prepared, she has done everything she is supposed to do, gotten all of the shots and supplies she needs, organized all of her travel, is practicing packing, has freaked out the appropriate number of times, knows where to tuck her passport and money, seen most, if not all, of the Calcutta videos on YouTube, devoured some books on India.

I can hardly imagine the impact India, with all of its life and mysticism and color, will  have on her art when she returns. I think Calcutta will wend its way into her heart, and she might go back again and again, I can’t say. I might go with her, if invited.

For me, I’m starting to feel some flashes of self-pity, some shivers of loneliness, which I used to know well. There will be much excitement and some pain, that is the nature of things. When you find that kind of love, you will miss it, even for a couple of weeks. The trick is to acknowledge it and live your life.

I have arranged for Cassandra Comety, a much loved and respected vet tech and farm girl, to come to the farm in the mornings to handle chores and firewood and some shoveling if necessary,  while I take my first fellowship and hole up writing “Lessons Of Bedlam Farm.” I was horrified at the idea of hiring someone to do the morning chores but my editor and Maria pointed out the wondrous opportunity to have a free and purely creative time.

My editor, who I greatly respect, believes it would be good for my book, which I am very excited about. Maria strongly agreed, and it will probably be good for her also, to know I am knee-deep in writing.

I will do the afternoon and evening chores, and of course, the shopping and cooking that I  usually do. I plan to get up at 4 or 5 a.m. and write and write. Then walk the dogs in the woods. That will be sweet, if I stick to it.

Cassandra is a strong woman, she is right for this.

I have to get my head straight about this kind of help, but I will.

I was set on proving I could still run the farm alone, I’ll have to postpone that.  And nobody cares.

I can’t wait for the texts and videos and phone calls and Face Time chats from Calcutta. Maria is bringing her laptop, she will be blogging from there as well. It will go quickly, and she is in good hands, no need to worry about her.

In the meantime, I’m going to look for the few remaining drops of that wonderful cough syrup I got a year ago,  I think it still somewhere in the house. There is only a teaspoon or so left, I might just stop wheezing long enough to sleep tonight. That cough syrup makes me happy.  I am seeing two of everything, it messes up my photos and makes blogging difficult.

We are leaving in the late morning Saturday – no writing class tomorrow – and heading out. I’ll probably post something in the morning,  then go off and return on Sunday. Stay steady out there.