On holidays, we stop and give thanks for the animals, who shape so much of our life and our work and our creativity. Maria goes out into the pasture with oat bran crackers, one of the things all of our animals love and they all gather in a cluster around her, and she is so happy to be giving them treats and expressing our gratitude to them.
I don’t fear a thing as all these animals rush towards her at the same time, they are all gentle and patient with her, even her strong-willed pony.
The sunrise hits the window in our bathroom first, and I look to my bottles every morning – the ones Maria places around the windows in winter – to prepare for the incoming day. This morning, the sun was especially bright and it brought me much needed color and night, this is gray and wintry and cold week. Tomorrow, we are off to Brooklyn for two days, I will chase the run around there.
Maria is finishing up her newest quilt, the Solstice Quilt. It is going up for sale this week, she is asking $400 for it. I see my pants, my jeans, play a prominent role in this quilt, they help border three sides and I cannot imagine a better fate for them. I was reluctant to give them up, but am proud to see them there, this quilt has a style and grace that is very beautiful to me, and my pants played a role. You can follow the progress of this quilt on her blog. The middle part is made up of vintage hankies.
I suggested she charge extra for my parents, but she told me to mind my own business.
When Karen Thompson offered to give Red to me, one reason – she loved him dearly – was that she saw his sweet and forgiving spirit and wanted him to have a life beyond herding sheep. Red had had a hard life in Ireland, I gather and Karen was selfless, she hated to part with him, but wanted what was best for him.
I have worked hard to honor her trust in me and to keep my commitment to give Red the life he deserves. But frankly, I did not grasp until this year just how wonderful a therapy dog he is and has become. We have done a number of different kinds of therapy work – working in dementia units and with veterans from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Those visits have been powerful, but I see how different and powerful the experience is when we can enter a community and Red can get to know people individually and see them often and they can get to know him.
The Mansion is part of the family I never really had, especially during the holidays. I feel so welcome and at ease there. Like Red, I am getting to know and understand people, and thus able to be of genuine help. Our work there has just begun.
On Facebook, someone posted a message saying that Red understand the spirit of Christmas and the compassion of Christ, but I think the truth is different. Dogs do not act out of motive, there are no good dogs or bad dogs, only dogs responding to their own kind of emotion and their powerful instinct.
Red does not, I believe, consciously believe he is doing good or deciding to go good. He is an intuitive and sensitive animal, he responds to attention and need, not to human ideas of morality or goodness. The more people need him, the more they focus on him, the more attention they pay him, through their eyes and voice, the more he attaches to them and responds. This is how dogs attach to most people, it is more intense in an assisted care facility.
People have great holes in their lives, especially the aged, their bodies may be struggling but their emotions are intense and visible, and that is what the good therapy dog senses. The training of these dogs transcends cuteness and gentleness, the challenge of the therapy dog trainer is to teach the dog that the people are the work, and they are often different kinds of people than most dogs are exposed to.
It is not about showing up with a dog, like all training with animals, it takes continuous training, vigilance and patience. I am always near Red when he does this work, signalling to him with my hands, voice, body and emotions. He is always tuned into to me. If he wasn’t, it wouldn’t work.
I would not share the details of Connie’s life, but I see she needs love and attention, the experience of being loved, the soft and tactile pleasure of touching a living thing. She has experienced loss and disappointment.
Red understands this is his work, and he has attached to Connie in a strong way. I don’t know or care what his motives are, I don’t wish to emotionalize the experience. Dogs do not have our language and values, they are an alien species, much as we love them.
People often tell me their dogs would be wonderful therapy dogs, and perhaps this is so, I can’t say. There are many wonderful therapy dogs. But I always think the same thing. It is not about the dog being nice or cuddly, it is about the dog’s ability to connection emotionally with human beings, to look them in the eye and respond to the need.The challenge for the human is to constantly reinforce this.
One reason I love border collies as therapy dogs is because they are bred to make eye contact with animals, it is natural to them. You just have to find a calm one, or one that can be taught to be calm. Connie is not a sheep to Red, but he does possess the rare ability to look a person in the eye and connect with their own eyes. His instincts and gifts are perfect for therapy work.
My border collie Rose was a wonderful dog, but she would have made an awful therapy dog. She loved work and me, she did not love people or care if they needed her or not. She paid no attention to other people. I would never have brought her near the Mansion. She hated being cuddled and did not respond to cute dog talk.
Red instinctively understands what people need, I have found, the sense of being loved in a personal way. That is what has been lost to so many people in institutions.
But this work is powerful and beautiful, and it is something I realize I need as well, it is as much a gift to me as it is to anyone else. For me the past years have been about opening myself up to love. Loving is better than not loving, it is something we all need.
Armed with rattles and soft cloth worms that squeak and clothes, I am headed to Brooklyn Tuesday and Wednesday, my daughter has given Maria and I the gift of a nearby apartment for two nights, I was reluctant to accept this from her, but then realized that would be a mistake. You have to accept things from others sometimes, and it was a touching gift.
We hope to take Robin to her first museum, the Brooklyn Museum, Emma and Jay took her to see Star Wars this Sunday, which surprised and delighted me. She does remember.
The grandfather thing is different that I expect, although I did not really know what to expect. I don’t really know Robin well – I’ve only seen her three or four times and have by no means been an integral part of her life. Yet I do feel a connection with her, a different kind of no-strings-attached love, and my sense is she feels a connection with me when we see one another.
I love seeing Emma transformed by her great love for this child, it is one of the beautiful things in life to see.
How can you know really, what a three month old baby feels?
This is a different kind of love than I have experienced, it is not over the top, I am not stricken or smitten. I don’t believe in unconditional love, love is very conditional, people have to earn it, through time and commitment. I don’t wish to be living in Brooklyn, she will never be living up here, I don’t wish to be crashing in on Emma’s space and Robin will have a lot of things to worry about other than me.
The word that keeps coming to mind for this love is pure, it feels pure. I am not responsible for Robin, and have no desire to influence how she is raised. I don’t want to take care of her or be around her every day. I hope we both have lives that are too full for that.
I imagine she may love coming to the farm and seeing the animals here, and I imagine they will love her. They will definitely sense the connection between us all.
But I am eager to see her and explore this connection we have. I love changing diapers and playing with kids and reading to them – a bit early maybe. I want to also deepen the rich connection with Emma that seems to be flowing from the arrival of this child, we just seem at ease with one another. That is as important to me as the relationship with Robin.
I am pleased Maria is coming, she is a part of this. How nice. We will have some time perhaps to run around the city a bit or at least explore Brooklyn on foot. This will be a good test of my angina. We want to spell Emma and Jay so they can go out.
I’m bringing one camera, and two lenses – the portrait and 125 mm. I’m not sure if I’ll bring a black and white camera or the color one. I love taking photos in Brooklyn, I’m excited about the trip. As Robin grows and develops, the relationship will be clear to me. I have the sense of her as a sunny, alert an thoughtful creature.
