Dear Cardiac Nurses and other medical specialists on Facebook. Thanks for your concern for me, please stop sending me messages like the ones i got today demanding that I get a stent, rush to the emergency room, ignore the advice of my doctor, etc.

It is always a sacred trial when I write about my health. It brings out the absolutely worst in people on Facebook. And also the best.

I assume that people who diagnose other people on social media mean well, and I see that many assume that other people are simply too stupid, naive, lazy or ignorant to make their own decisions about medicine or  choose their own doctors and nurses wisely.

I got some lovely messages from nurses and people like Carolyn, a retired internist who gently and helpfully walked me through the process of taking medication for the angina I have developed. She told me some things I didn’t know, and she was helpful to me. I thanked her.

Several physicians also wrote me to explain certain aspects of angina and heart disease that were also very useful and helpful for me to hear, and I thank them. I learned a lot, the good side of advice.They did not tell me what to do, or presume I was too dumb to know.

Carolyn did not attempt to diagnose me, and gave me the respect (Maria also) of trusting me to function like an adult and consider my own medical situation carefully. It is a curious thing, I’ve notice many untrained people in the animal world are also quick to diagnose animals online.

In recent years I have managed diabetes and heart disease conscientiously. I have never skipped medication, ignored advice, ignored blood work or tests. My nurses say I am one of the most conscientious patients they have ever seen. As a rule, I do not do things in a half-ass way.

I eat the healthiest foods, I exercise every day, my blood sugar, pulse, cholesterol and other levels are excellent,  I am quite proud of the thoughtfulness and seriousness – and change – that I have brought to my health care. I consider alternative medications when appropriate, and traditional approaches as well.

I have good doctors and many remarkable nurses with whom I meet and communicate regularly.

Because of them, and me,  and Maria as well, I expect to live a full and healthy life for a long time, and I am fully prepared to listen and learn and to take good care of myself.

I love my live and intend to continue living it for some time. If I didn’t know enough to go to the emergency room – I sure got there fast enough before my open heart surgery –  then I deserve whatever befalls me, and I can’t imagine why anyone would  think I would listen to a stranger telling me what to do on Facebook. It is, after all, my heart.

And I know these messengers are good people who care about me. The road to Hell…

But in recent days, I have heard from a platoon of self-described cardiac nurses who believe they had seen it all and assumed I have no idea what I am doing. I sense that they don’t trust men to make good decisions about their health, and they seemed to have little hesitation about believing their own experiences are universal and apply to everyone. Some hubris, maybe.

They were absolutely certain about my dire condition, the imminent threat to my life, and the idea I had no idea what to do about any of it. I can assure you, good nurses, that you will be reading my thoughts and looking at my photographs for a good long time.

One insisted I rush to the emergency room when I felt some chest pain, another demanded that stents be immediately inserted into my arteries, and several told me to completely disregard anything my cardiologist said, “we nurses,” she added, “save our patients from doctors every day.”

I was examined closely on and off for three weeks by many nurses and doctors, and I do not need to rush anywhere, be catheterized  for anything, or undergo any surgeries. My heart is mostly functioning very well, and I am not prepared to ignore my doctors, or be a slave to them.

I’m  not sure why this nurse thought this observation about doctors would be helpful, and I am sorry she doesn’t share my belief that diagnosing people one has not examined or ever met or seen on Facebook is not an ethical or professional thing to do. To me, it is a disqualifying factor when it comes to listening to people.

I am learning that there is such a thing as good unwanted advice as well as bad unwanted advice. I got a bunch of both this week. I will continue to share my life here, it is important to me, and I will also continue to work for the idea of dignity and boundaries online.

I appreciate the good and useful thoughts people like Carolyn shared with me, and I will continue to respect myself and my own judgments and decisions. Two chronic diseases have given me the gift of maturity, diligence and awareness.

To the end, I will take good care of myself, and if I need to rush to the emergency room or get additional treatments at the suggestion of my doctor and nurses (who have examined me thoroughly), I don’t need anyone to tell me to do it.

And again, I would remind people who give unwanted advice on Facebook to consider it carefully. Was it requested?  Is it truly helpful? Would  you take advice offered in this way? It is ethical to give sophisticated advice to strangers  you do not know and have never met? I see that some of this advice is useful, some of it is dangerous.

Speaking for myself, I do not give advice to strangers or think I know better than they do what is right for them. I do not interfere with the way of life of others. Give it some thought.