I wrote at least three times in the last few months that I did not believe Donald Trump would or could win the election, and I was wrong. The first time I wrote this, I  wrote that I would admit I was wrong if I was, that is always the fair price to be paid for writing what you believe openly and hopefully, authentically.

My mistakes are as much in the open as anything else in my life, that is the cost of thinking, of saying what I believe.

I am not moving anywhere or thinking about it, I am in a bit of shock, but not despair. I do not believe the end of the world is nigh. That is just another form of extremism to me.

Democracy is not a simple or neat process, it reveals itself and moves in so many different ways.

You either believe in democracy or you don’t, and now, a time for me to listen and understand. I have rarely felt so out of touch and bewildered, even though I was just beginning to sense the depth of anger and disconnection all around me.  If you can count lawn signs, then you knew something was happening, even if the depth of it was not clear.

I am humbled to be so out of touch, but I am not made of crystal. I will not shatter.

The people have surely spoken and if one believes in a free world, as I do, it is time to hear what it is they have to say. It is too simple to dismiss all of this as an eruption of hate and ignorance, and it would, for me, be a mistake. Something has changed. This president comes from a different place, he is beholden to almost no one in Washington, he is free to do what he wants. I hope he wants to do good, that is the greatest legacy of any true leader.

I am sorry my granddaughter and I didn’t get to see the first woman president, or an affirmation of the American idea. My heart sank a bit last night. I appreciate her grace in defeat and I feel for her shattered dreams.

It will surely be one of the most amazing times in my life. I want to handle it with dignity and perspective.

Politicians say what they need to say during election campaigns, and then reality often intrudes. The path now is not clear to me, and I can’t write about something that is so murky. I pay attention to what politicians do, not only to what they say.

I am listening and thinking and coming to terms with this new reality, this new and completely different way of looking at the world. It is a bit of an earthquake for me, and for many others. I am also quite determined to try in my own way to stand for the poor, the vulnerable and the dispossessed. They are in my heart and my prayers today, and I wish them hope and comfort.

I believe good forces have been awakened, as well as troublesome ones.

I hope our new president is better than his campaign, I hope his heart is bigger than his angry words. I hope I can come to feel some of  what so many people came to feel, and what I could not see. My rejection of hate and rage has not changed, even if the world has, I will not succumb to it. I will not be afraid to walk and write in my own land. Revolution begins inside of us, not outside. No one can take my soul away from me.

It is too soon for me to wring my hands and declare an end to the world as I know it, even as I  can see that this is a profound change for an idea of the world that I have always believed America has represented, a repudiation of the world my grandmother risked her life to join.

I am feeling for the frightened and vulnerable. I hope we will always be a beacon to them, that we will always welcome the tired and the poor and the downtrodden.

I am not a political writer any longer, and like almost all of the political writers, I do not really know what happened or understand it. No one has explained it to me this morning. In my community, there are many people who are happy and vindicated today, and I  do want to hear what they say before I make up my mind about it. I hope they have not been betrayed. I don’t ever want to be another voice adding to the din, that is not what thoughtfulness is about.

Somehow, our system has become profoundly disconnected from working people, from rural people. And almost no one saw it happening.

I hope my blog and my writing and photographs will always be a source of inspiration and comfort, not division and fear. That is my challenge as a writer and a human being, and my opportunity. I will work hard at it. I will try and learn what I need to learn.

Maria and I were shocked last night, we don’t quite get it, but I do not tell other people what to do and feel. I will share what I feel from time to time, that is part of sharing my life. I believe Maria feels the same way. The biggest thing in my life is my love for her, for for the life we are building together, and I am grateful for that every day.

In a democracy, we accept what we don’t like as well as what we do. And I will always support the idea of liberty. I certainly won’t pretend I am happy with what happened last night, or that I understand it or foresaw it. But I am a lover of liberty, and that is the American idea.

I believe it is the most powerful idea in the world, along with love. I hope to be a warrior for both, and I am eager to continue – and share – the journey that is my life, and my life with Maria and the animals on the farm.