It is so important to feel needed, and to be needed.

How strange to see such anger and disconnection in some of the world’s richest and most developed nations.

You wouldn’t necessarily know it from reading the news, but our economy is improving, more people have jobs,  fewer among us are poor, fewer are hungry, fewer children are dying, we are all living longer, we possess powerful new tools to navigate the world and organize information and communicate, and women and minorities are gaining recognition for their rights in many countries.

Every major faith in the world preaches love and compassion, but it you followed our presidential election, in which every candidate professes to love God, there wasn’t much love or compassion. And there  little of either on Facebook or Twitter.

We seem, as a people, to be profoundly unhappy and spiritually adrift. What is  all of our arguing and worrying accomplishing, I wondered, why do we seem so unhappy? What do we think we can actually accomplish by arguing at one another, talking over one another’s heads?

In a series of articles, the Dalai Lama has offered one explanation, and it is something I have come to believe deeply. He cites new research that found that senior citizens who don’t feel useful to others were nearly three times as likely to die prematurely as those who did feel useful. We all need to be needed, and when we don’t feel useful or needed, we become fearful, angry, or depressed.

The Dalai Lama also cites surveys which show that Americans who make doing good for others a priority in their lives are five times likelier to say they are very happy about their lives.

We needed be needed, and when we are useful and/or needed, we feel we have a meaningful purpose to our lives, we are more likely to be happy and content. Our lives are brighter, satisfying. Ask any Church volunteer or hospice worker or caring nurse.

Being needed has become a central element in my life, my happiness, my healing and recovery from the many things hurting me and holding me back.

When I take Red to our therapy work at the Mansion Assisted Care Facility, I feel needed.

When my daughter talks to me about her worries about raising a new baby, I feel needed.

I know these are selfish things, I do them as much for me as for others. But they give meaning and depth and joy to my life, without them, my life would be so much bleaker. I feel useful.

I feel needed when Maria is frustrated over a piece of art she is working on, and I remind her that this often happens, and she always figures it out. I feel needed when I teach my writing class, or when I encourage someone to start a blog, take a photo. And I feel useful when people write me, as they do almost every day, to thank me for my photographs, or something I wrote.

If technology connects us, it also disconnects us, it enables us to talk only to one another, or to no one face to face. We communicate all of the time with people we don’t know, and it is not the same as talking to people we do know. It is not the same as seeing their expressions, hearing their voices, looking into their eyes.

This morning, I felt uncharacteristically gloomy, at the weather, I think, and the ugliness of our common civic discourse. I texted Maria in her studio – I rarely bother her in her studio – and I said “I need a hug,” and she came over with Fate and she said “thanks for the message, thanks for needing me.” And I felt better and she felt useful.

I think the Dalai Lama is correct when he says that when people say they are angry, or fearful, they are often angry and fearful about not being needed, not feeling useful.

As spiritual leaders have told us for centuries, material wealth does not bring happiness or fulfillment. I was never more miserable than when I had a lot of money, I have never been happier than when I have had relatively little. Here, we are the richest country in the world, and it sometimes feels like we are the unhappiest.

Is this something for Presidents to resolve? I don’t know, really. I think it is very personal, I don’t look to political parties or labels to solve it. I can only solve it myself. I am seeking ways in my life – Maria is also – to engage with people, encourage them. I find many people feel ignored, superfluous. Our leaders seem to ask nothing of other than that we become angry or fearful.

In America today, compared with 50 years ago, three times as many working-age men are completely outside of the work force. Many of these men that I know talk of feeling superfluous, and feel superfluous is a drain on the human spirit. I actually took the Dalai Lama’s advice long before he wrote it or before I read it.

I asked myself what gifts can I accept that others offer me?

And what gifts do I have to offer to others?

As I grow older, I  believe it is my rule to pass along what I know, and use my experience to help others.  I feel more, not less useful, more, nor less, needed.

So I bring my dog to therapy. I support my wife in everything she does. I offer myself to my daughter to help her as she learns how to be a parent. I teach aspiring writers what I have learned in 40 years as a writer.

I use my blog to do good, to raise money for deserving people and causes. I take photographs to remind people of the color and light in the world when they feel they are in darkness. Everywhere I can, I encourage people to look for love, to light their creative sparks, to be fulfilled, to stay out of the trap the promises money will bring happiness.

I support leaders who seek a compassionate society that promotes meaningful work,  quality education for everyone,  protection for the vulnerable and training that enriches lives. Ideology and political labels do not have all of the answers for us, or as I write this, any.

I want to work outside of these suffocating and bankrupt labels – they don’t keep their promises – and seek those with a shared belief in empathy, human dignity, and the opportunity for every human being to contribute to a better and more meaningful world.

To be useful. To be needed. For me, that is the wealth and security I seek in the world.