As I get older, I see that I have many choices to make still, about my life. I have many ambitions for work, for my writing and photography, for my blog and my books, for friendship, for love, for spiritual growth and chance.
I am learning that one of my most significant and final decisions in life has to do with what kind of old man I wish to be. I have a few years to get it right.
I have noticed that when men get older, they either get softer or harder, they either become hateful old men or they become softer and more gentler old men, dispensing wisdom and counsel with a smile and a whiff of understanding.
The hateful old man is full of condemnation and judgement. Things were always better, they are always going to hell, the sun is always setting over the horizon. The hateful old man is angry, his eyes roll back in his head, he spits when he shouts, most people don’t wish to get to close to him.
The gentle old men does not judge or preach. He rejects nostalgia as a trip, he knows that old men love to look back and see the present as bleak and wanting, the gentle man sees life in a more nuanced way. He learns to love solitude, the peace of thought, the space between words.
The hateful old man hates the young. He really hates them, he sees them as wanton, corrupt, ignorant, lazy and selfish. Whenever you hear an old man trash young people, run for the door. He is letting you know that he is hateful man. When you hear an old man praise the good old days, run farther still. He has lost his way, the good genes are dying off.
The gentle old man embraces change, he knows it is the job of the young to change and experiment, to defy and challenge, to evolve and innovate, to be obnoxious and defiant, he does not ever expect them to listen to him or be told by him what to do, instead, he tries to support and guide them, to keep them alive and healthy, to offer them encouragement and support. He does not ever tell them what they should do or what they should be.
The hateful men has grown beyond empathy and patience, he has become irritable and contemptuous. He is disgusted by life in the world, and by what he sees as its runaway moral and cultural disintegration. He sees only rising prices, higher taxes, the wanton acts of violence and disorder that are a fundamental reality of human life. For him, they are the end of the world.
The gentle old men revels in the world, he knows there will be suffering and joy, often in equal amounts, and he accepts the raging tornado that is change.
The hateful man fears the strong woman, they are, to him, the end of his world. It is not their place to seek power or privilege, but to be meek and beautiful to him, and of service.
The gentle man loves the strong woman, he knows they are his salvation, and the best hope for the world.
I seek to be a gentle old man, it is one of my great ambitions in life. I want to love the animals and the trees, I want to be a warm and supportive old man for my very wonderful and loving wife. I wish to be a steadying and comforting presence for my daughter, as she begins to navigate her world as an adult.
Looking outward, I will seek out people who think big and speak softly, who do not tear down the lives and ideas of other people, but work to make the people’s lives better. I will guard against intolerance and poor temperament, against irritability and nostalgia. Gentle old men must be humble, they listen to the worst things said of them and know, in their wisdom, that we are all flawed, we all stumble and fall.
The gentle old men helps people get up. He has seen a lot, and he knows that every human being cycles through life, making one mistake after another, falling down again and again. The lucky ones get up.