My first gift to my granddaughter Robin arrived today, it was a mobile with music, and four or five plush toys in the shape of animals swirling above, and Emma says it was a big hit, Robin lit up and had a very happy smile. Emma said Robin was quite into it.  I actually bought two mobiles, the second one has not yet arrived, it has both music and LED lights, and it is unusual, I found it on a cool site online.

If she gets tired of this one, they can switch.

Emma says she told Robin the present came from me, but of course, that doesn’t really matter at this point, her smile is plenty of reward and she has no idea who I am. I am a big believer in gifts with no strings attached, I have a hunch the second mobile – in transit somewhere – will be as much fun or more. The smile is the reward.

I am struck by Robin’s smile, I think she has a look of mischief and fun about her, and I remember what woman told me in Brooklyn, she was a grandmother herself. She said babies are so pure and unscarred by the nature of the world, it would be nice to keep them that way.

It is not up to me, but I don’t wish to see Robin protected from life,  there is good and bad in life, and I am learning to love both, because that is the nature of life, and I love being alive. The more protected one is, the greater the shock and struggle.

It feels quite good to bring a smile to Robin’s face, I like this occasional sending of special gifts.

I suppose I would like to have been there to see her smile, but I like seeing this photo also, I am seeing the outlines of how this will all work and getting more comfortable with it. There is one kind of grandparent (probably many) and that kind will be present often, weekly, even more frequently, there for holidays, trips and family gatherings.

These grandparents are an extension of family, they watch their grandchildren grow up and function as a kind of surrogate parent.

I cannot be that kind of grandparent, that is the way it has played out, so I will be another kind, hopefully a strange kind of angel, popping in and out, entering her space once in awhile with something unusual, stimulating or fun. Sometimes I feel sad about that, but mostly I feel good that I have the opportunity to be a strange angel.

I am at peace with my life, and that is a new thing for me, and I value it. You play the cards you were dealt.

Yet another creative test and opportunity.