Emma knows just how to get to me, I am a sucker for photographs of my granddaughter Robin smiling or looking mischievous. Here, she is mesmerized by her mobile, soon to be replaced by a mobile I’m sending her with five plush toys that rotate, sing and dance. A second mobile arrived here at the farm, it has music and whirling lights.

I saw some educational mobiles that teaching things to babies, but I balked at those and it got me thinking about what my teaching role is as an older grandfather who lives hundreds of miles away and will not be an integral part of Robin’s life.

Emma, I see, is committed to the idea that she wants Robin’s grandparents to know her and be close to her, and I admire her for that and respect her. I’d like that also.  But I am still not certain what it means, given the limitations of geography and the very different nature of our lives.

Cute is not enough for a relationship in my mind, we have to wait a bit and see what happens naturally.

I do not see my role as teaching Robin, I see that as the role of her parents. Her parents obviously adore her, and she has relatives and grandparents much closer than I am – one of her grandmothers will be with her one day every week helping out, which is sweet and generous – and are all ready and able to be a part of her life.

That is not really possible for me.

I don’t think I want to be teaching her, or be a role model for her. That is for her parents. I don’t want to be intimately involved in her care, that is also for her parents. I am liking the idea of a thoughtful hit-and-run relationship. Visits that count.  On my visit last week, I convinced my wary daughter to let me take Robin for a walk – no stroller, or straps or holder. Just me and her. Emma was concerned, reluctant.

I pushed gently.

She finally relented, and let me go out alone with Robin and we had the sweetest time. I was very careful and very much at ease. I did this with Emma many times, all over the Northeast.

I walked Robin in my arms to a nearby park and sat down with her on a bench.  She was like an explorer seeing the Amazon for the first time (she had been outside before.)

Her eyes nearly popped out of her head, it was the most amazing mobile a baby could imagine – hundreds, if not thousands of New Yorkers of all colors, sizes, shapes and demeanor. Her eyes were popping out of her head. Bicycles, sirens, shouting people, dogs, vendors, people of every color, wearing every kind of thing. I had no idea what she could see or comprehend. Not much, I suspect.

People stopped to smile at her, ask about her, laugh with her, and she was like Fate, she was smiling at everybody, especially the kids from the day care play group who rushed over to see her and sing to her. We had  great time, and I was back in the apartment in 15 minutes, just as Emma was ready to put on her jacket and go hunting for us.

(I do know how she felt, I didn’t let anybody hold her much for a long time.) I can make my occasional visits count by making them special and making sure we connect. I want to spend some time with her and just show her things.  I want to show her that the world is a beautiful and loving place, she will hear many other kinds of messages.

Last week, I spent some time trawling online for a very special kind of mobile, one with music and moving lights, I think it will dazzle her. It’s strange, but I think I know what she will like. Isn’t that curious? I have only seen her a few times.  I will send this other mobile to New York once she gets used to the first one I bought, arriving this week. There are a lot of ways to communicate with a grandchild that are not cute, cloying or invasive.

To me, mobiles are important, they can relax the mind and stimulate it. Babies are so dependent.

Am I hooked and overwhelmed with emotion, transformed and blown away? No, I am not, not yet. That is a process for me,not an automatic rite. It’s just the way I am constructed.

Robin has to become more of a definable person for that, and those smiles are getting closer. I hope it happens. Truthfully, I don’t know what my role will be in the life of this genial baby, despite so many other people telling me what it will be. We are all different.

I am open to anything, really,  the world is filled with mystery, but I don’t need to know just yet. I just need to keep making my visits and occasional gifts count.