“It is a wise thing to be polite; consequently, it is a stupid thing to be rude.” – Arthur Schopenhauer

A few days ago, someone messaged me to tell me Maria and I were making a “terrible mistake” by removing our shutters. Shutters were never natural to old farmhouses, they were added in the 1950’s to make farmhouses look like suburban houses. We were happy with the results.

The message was not a big deal, I did answer it to say we were happy with our decision and I was puzzled that this person would send a message that seemed both rude and intrusive to me. After all, we wouldn’t presume to tell her what to do with her shutters.

Of course, she got snarky and said people who accept money for subscriptions and payments should expect to be told what to do. I answered by saying the payments were for my work, they did not buy me or Maria or our lives and shutters.  Very few people force me to say that.

I have had this issue before, and so have many of you. I share my life, I don’t give it to others. I like to make my own decisions and my own mistakes, it is the way I learn. I do not care for thousands of people to be telling what to do, with my animals or my life or my house.

The sad thing about our times is that there are very many people who are utterly confounded by that, social media is a fast lane into the lives and computer screens of other people, many people say things all the time that they would never say if they were in someone’s home.

We are building new boundaries in these new kinds of communities, and i am always thinking about how to define what is proper online, in the curious world of the virtual community.

Many people lose sight of boundaries on social media, there are wonderful people there, it is also a spawning ground for hatred and cruelty and argument. And intrusion. I can’t imagine messaging a writer or stranger to tell him or her that her home decorating decisions were a “terrible” mistake.

I believe Henry David Thoreau would have committed suicide after a week in Walden Pond if he were on Facebook Messenger there.

I share those things, but also see them as personal at the same time, a feeling that is often confusing to people, especially those who spend a lot of time on Facebook and Twitter, where once sacred values of privacy has long been abandoned and the very American idea of minding your own business a quaint and ancient idea.

We are each responsible for our own lives, we make our decisions independently and hopefully, in freedom.

On Facebook, people tell people what to do all of the time, and rudeness is just a few clicks away on a keyboard.

My idea for social media is this: My Facebook Page and my blog (I don’t go on Twitter, the blog does  feed there) are extensions of my home. I never say anything on anyone’s Facebook Page that I would not say sitting in their home, looking across a table at them.

My blog is literally my home in may respects. My Facebook Page is an extension of it.

I would not go to a friend’s house and tell them that their shutter decision was a terrible mistake, that would be understood as rude and inappropriate.

I feel the same way about e-mail. On my pages and in my communications, I do not permit hatred, insult or continuous arguments, and many people feel aggrieved at this, one woman posted that if I didn’t permit her to call other people on my page stupid, I should not be permitted to be on Facebook at all.

A new definition of un-moderated free speech, of which there is, perhaps for the first time in my value system, too much on social media.

I like my idea.

I can’t control the behavior of other people, but my communications, in e-mail and on social media are generally quite civil. This week, I wrote several times about the presidential campaign and only two or three people plunged into the robotic and mindless hatred promoted every day by the zombie-mind altered warriors of the left and the right.

We actually had some thoughtful and civil conversations about Donald Trump and his impact on the world.  Right there on Facebook, and for several days.

It can be done. Social media is a part of our world now, my Facebook Page is an extension of my home. I expected to treat others as if I were a guest in their home, and i will expect others to treat me the same way.

I realize this is an ideal, perhaps even a fantasy, something that is far from the reality for most people. I believe we begin by taking small steps, by doing to others what we would like to be done to ourselves. By living our own lives and not telling other people how to live theirs. That is my idea of liberty.

I like the idea of my blog and my Facebook Page as being an extension of my home, that makes me feel good about both.

I told the woman who hated my shutter philosophy that she ought not to write me any message that she would not speak to me face to face, sitting in my living room. She was astonished.

She said she never thought of e-mail or Facebook in that way. A good start. I did not hear from her again.