On Monday, I reach a kind of milestone that once seemed unfathomable to me, I suppose much of my life is like that. I will be 69 years old. Maria is whisking me off to an inn in Vermont for one night and we will be back here on Tuesday morning. Sixty-nine years is a lot of life, and while I tend to be one of those people who lives in the moment – I don’t get too excited about birthdays –  I am in a reflective mood these days.

Life has pulled me along in unexpected ways, and I suppose I never imagined I would  ever be where I am today. I am a fortunate man. I have a partner that I love, work that I love, creativity that I love, animals that I love, a farm that I love, dogs that I love,  friends that I love. There is a unique perspective for the person who has fewer days ahead than behind him, and the process of aging further is uncertain.

Getting older is like walking through a gate, it is not possible to see what is on the other side. I walk there with my head held high, my spirits strong, my heart beating soundly.

Sometimes I do ask myself if I will remain healthy and independent, capable of doing good work, of doing my share and supporting my wife, daughter, soon-to-arrive granddaughter and friends. I wonder how well I will get to know my granddaughter, I will be 81 when she is 10. I worry about Maria having to take care of me, even though she says that is not something for me to worry about. How can I not, we live in such an anxious world, and I am not blind?

For now, I am strong and in good health. My writing has never come more easily or meaningfully. My photography has opened a rich new chapter in my life, it has helped me to see the world differently. My blog has become the focal point of my creativity.

I have only wanted to do one thing in my life, and that is write, and I am a writer and I get to write just about every day of my life. How lucky am I? Getting older has been good for me and to me. I found Maria when I was 61, we got married when I was 63. Since then, my life has filled with riches  beyond imagination.

I have experience bankruptcy and open heart surgery, both were important milestones in my life I have learned so much about myself, about life, about other people, about facing reality and taking good care of myself. I have a long ways to go in my ambition to be a fuller, peaceful and good human being, I am eager to contribute to the world.

The open heart surgery was good for me also, my restored heart is beating strongly, pumping blood and energy to the rest of me, it has made me stronger and better. I walk gratefully every single day of my life.

I am sorry about the tragedies that befell my original family, there is really only me and my sister left, and she is a brave and big-hearted soul, living her life with her dogs in a very remote corner of upstate New York. My brother is still alive but we have not spoken in years, and I doubt we ever will.

I have always worried about my sister, but that is not a necessary thing, but she is living the life she wanted to lead, and she is strong and tough.  I turned to her some years ago when I broke down and was falling apart, she was there for me every single day in every she could be. I do not know I could have survived that time without her.

I tried all of my life to help and support her, and have sometimes succeeded. Our love and connection has somehow endured, that is a kind of miracle in itself. We have never run from one another.

Each of us is the only one who knows what we know and saw what we saw, that is not a bond that breaks.

So I am excited about my 69th year, I have a lot of plans for it. I hope to write a book, I will commit myself to my blog and my photography, to my farm and my community. I love meeting the people I meet (above, our new friend Treasure) and I love taking photos of good and wonderful people, most of whom have never been photographed before. In a sense, my chance to give voice to the voiceless, to the good people who heroically simply live good lives every day. They are rarely noticed.

I have learned to only take portraits of people I like or love. I seek to capture their souls and their spirits. I will continue to share my life as openly and honestly as is possible. I will continue to speak up for my identity, in the face of a fragmenting and sometimes hostile world. I hope to get to know my granddaughter a bit this year.

I am happy for my daughter, who is living a life she loves with people she loves. I am so proud of my wife, who grows and shines more with each passing day. I simply cannot believe sometimes how talented, good and skilled she is, at so many things. Eventually, after so much bumbling and stumbling, I found what I was looking for all of my life.

I think that is my great birthday present. Maria is making something magical for me in my studio and taking me to Vermont.  My sister and I were talking a week or so ago, and we both agreed that each of us was lucky to be alive. After all this, here we are. Here we are. Enough to make me cry. Life is hard. Sometimes the pain and bear has been too much to bear. I have fought it my whole life, I have never quit on myself, and if there was suffering, there has also been great joy.

Life is wonderful. Sunday I’m taking Maria to a Wendy Wassterstein play in Williamstown, Mass.,  to kick off my birthday celebration, it somehow seems right. Maybe I’ll buy her brunch at the Round House Cafe.

This is what is on my mind on my birthday on Monday.