I am not there yet, I mumbled, but that’s where I’m going.

Small steps, little by little. That was my answer.

My morning reading this morning was from the Kabbalah, which I read every morning. There, I find a God I can worship.

The quality of humility, said the prophets,  includes all qualities.

The earth nourishes everything, from the horned buffalo to gnats, it disdains no creature. For if all creatures were not seen and created as equals, they could not endure, even for a moment. Rather, God gazes and emanates compassion upon them all. So should you be good to all creatures, disdaining none. Even the most insignificant creature should assume importance in  your eyes…Do good to whomever needs your goodness.”

This, I think, is not the person I am, but the person I hope one day to be. I am a human being, and we are profoundly flawed. Is that the quality of humility? Knowing how damaged we are, how far we have to go to be better? To me, this was the very idea of God, a force in life that called on us to be better, who did not accept that we had to remain the same.

In this time of discord, the prophets message seemed relevant: “Your ears should always be tuned to hear the good, while rumors and gossip should never be let in, that is the secret of sublime listening. There, no harsh shouting enters, no tongue of evil leaves a blemish. So listen only to positive, useful things, not to things that provoke anger. When you see a poor person suffering, do not close your eyes in the slightest. On the contrary, keep him in mind as much as you can; arouse compassion for him, from God, and from people.”

The prophets added: “Your face should always be shining. Welcome each person with a friendly countenance…In the light of the king’s face is life. No redness or harsh judgment gains entrance there.”

This is a mantra for me, a prayer. It is all right to accept who I am, it is a glorious gift to know I can be better. In a way, it is the point of everything.

We all face this great duality of life. We are who we are, and who we wish to be. The spiritual life comes not from perfection or saintliness, it comes from the small steps we take, little by little, to be better than we are. No other creature on the earth can do this.

I think I fail when I stop trying, not when I stop being perfect. That will never happen. It’s the journey.

These flowers almost seemed to me to be swimming, they are going somewhere. So am I, that is the answer.