I got an important message from Barbara this morning: I do not give advice much, but she needs it and is deserving of it.

“Jon I don’t expect you to be my animal therapist but I have been stuck about getting a second dog for a year now. I have always had two dogs, one was also a German Shepherd. Our last one died over a year ago from old age. I love the breed and have never had a problem with aggression. Currently I have a Turvuren who is a therapy dog and also does agility. I would love to get another German Shepherd. I do well with dogs, they are obedient and well cared for. I want another  dog companion for me , my husband and my other dog
  “The Issue: I am healthy, at 78 years old. My children would take any of my dogs if I am ill or die (  it will happen eventually).  I would have expert help training a new large dog, people who love dogs and whom I trust. My heart tells me “go for it”, I think about it all the time. I do love German Shepherds. I currently have another dog who is a therapy dog and also an agility dog.  My brain ( and my sister) tell me I am insane to take on such a project at my age. I want to be responsible. I am uncharacteristically undecided.
You essays on getting another dog are so thoughtful and helpful….but…do I follow my heart or my brain? Thanks as always. Barbara.”

Barbara is misreading both her brain and her heart, failing to listen to their real message and doing them (and her) a disservice. Her heart says to get the dog, her  brain will make sure it works and that the dog is well provided for. She is confident and knows what to expect. She has much experience at training healthy dogs with good temperament. There is nothing Barbara could possibly do for her or a dog that is healthier than bringing one into her  home, loving it and giving a good life. If anything, a dog will prolong her life, not shorten it, there is much medical evidence to support that idea.

People with dogs and cats live longer, suffer less depression, have healthier hearts, get more exercise, experience more love and connection, are more engaged in their communities. Is it really proper to ask people to be more depressed, cut short their lives, get less exercise, be lonelier and more disconnected? I’m sure that is not what her sister really wants.

I am not an animal therapist, but I do feel passionately about this issue, it is part of a much larger issue in the dog world,  and I am sorry Barbara wasted a whole year of her life pining for a dog when she could have one by her side right now and knows how to care for it. This is the poison that comes from telling other people what to do and making decisions for them. This is the tragedy of the diminishment of the aging out of misguided stereotypes, this is the legacy of the guilt spawned by the idea that people who are poor, older, different, busy,  should not have dogs in their lives.

Dogs are among the most enduring and adaptable animals on the earth, they are not made of crystal, they do not break easily, they survive by adapting, that is why millions of dogs are adopted each year, many quite happily.

Here is my reply to Barbara. I offered to speak with her if she needs support. I eagerly await the photo of her with her new dog, I look forward to the e-mail telling me that she has gone ahead and arranged to get her dog. I can think of few images more beautiful than the two of them aging together. It would be a crime for her to waste another day. I don’t normally give advice to people, and never when it is not sought, but this question is really so important in many ways  beyond Barbara and the dog.

Our culture has lost a sense of rationality and perspective when it comes to adopting dogs. Somehow, the very elitist idea has been advanced that only the wealthy, the people who work at home, the young, the people with big fences, the people who see dogs as prisoners to be  hidden from the world, are the only ones that ought to have them. With millions of dogs languishing in crates in animal shelters, it ought to be easier than ever for loving people to get dogs. It is becoming more difficult all the time, and more expensive.

In her heart, Barbara knows she can care for he dog, and has much experience doing so. That is all she needs to know, that is all I need to know. She is aware of her mortality and will take it into account.

So this is what I wrote her:

“Go for it, absolutely Barbara, you are not too old to get a dog like that. And you have ensured that it will have a home if you pass away. Do not listen to your sister, even though I’m sure she means well. There is no reason to be diminished because you are older, you will give a dog much love, a great home and a good life. Dogs are adaptable, they are re-homed all the time.  If you love this dog, she will have a good and full life. Think of the Katrina dogs, not a single one perished because they left New Orleans and found a new home. In fact, you’ve inspired me to write about this (I’ll disguise your identity) on my blog.

Your heart and your brain are united, it is apparent from your message. They are both speaking clearly to what it is you want. I hope you listen to them.

Your heart tells you to do what you want and your brain will make sure the dog is well cared for and provided for, should that be necessary.

I should add that many people live well into their 80’s and 90’s, there is no reason to assume you won’t outlive the dog or come close enough. I know many such people, they have the time and wisdom to love a dog very well.  I imagine the dog will add some years to your life.  Don’t let other people tell you how to live. Death will come soon enough for all of us, you don’t have to die in small steps. You sound perfect for a dog, it will be great to for the dog to be with you, great for you. Can’t think of anything healthier or more meaningful for you. Do it. I encourage you to not waste another day.”

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The diminishment  of and bigotry against older animal lovers is immoral and cruel. It is not compassionate or wise.

There is nothing healthier for Barbara that to get a dog, walk with it, train it, draw love and companionship and support from it. Dogs engage us with the world, stimulate, enrich our emotional landscapes. There is nothing more loving than the way in which older people make arrangements with friends and family members to take in the dogs they may or may not leave behind.

I have a good friend who decided to stop getting dogs and other animals on his farm when he turned 70, it was what some animal advocacy group told him was humane. He is now 77, healthy and active, his last dog died a few years ago, and he agonizes every day about getting another one. It is, to me, a sad, not noble, kind of story. No dog would agree with this twisted idea of being humane.

I am 68, I just got a border collie puppy last year, we are having a blast together. I intend to have a dog by my side to the last breath, and I will  never hesitate to get one when another dies. Nothing (except love) keeps me more alive and healthy. My dogs and I shalll walk bravely and joyously towards the grave together.

It is true that many animal rights advocates would refuse to give or sell Barbara a dog at her age. I can feel that consciousness in her message.  They ought to be ashamed of themselves, they are just wrong,  and I fervently hope that Barbara does not submit to that kind of toxic ageism. It is just as offensive when done to the elderly as it is when done to anyone else.

Barbara, I hope you get the dog.