Speaking only for myself, I cannot think of more unethical or manipulative thing – creepy is the word I think of –  than to tell someone who wants to get a dog that they will be killing suffering and needy animals if they don’t rescue one or go to a shelter. What an awful and thoughtless way to begin what should be a thoughtful and open-minded experience, and often can lead to a rescue or shelter dog.

There is such a vast moral difference between a choice and a manipulation. Think about it.

People who traffic in guilt and manipulation are never my friend, nor, I imagine, are they yours. They have their interests at heart, not mine, and not dogs.

My mother taught me much about guilt and manipulation, and I have learned to purge this from my consideration of how and where to get a dog. Even though I have often gone to shelters and rescue groups for wonderful dogs like Frieda, I cannot count how many times it has been suggested that I am a murderer because I went to a breeder to get some other wonderful dogs – Lenore, Rose, Pearl.  Fate, Red.

I am proud to say I have always rejected this kind of guilt-tripping, I find it offensive.

This has taught me to never tell another person how they ought to get a dog, or to accept the narrow-minded, even cruel, idea that there is only one way to do it. We are all different, we all have different needs, temperaments, habits, homes and environments. There is never only one way for all of us to do anything, let along bring an animal into our lives.

I wrote yesterday that there are many good ways to get a dog, certainly including rescuing one or adopting one from a shelter, or finding a good and consciousness breeder. As often happens in this kind of a discussion, some were quick to plea for the lives of needy dogs. That reflex keeps us from having the conversations we need to have.

 Janice wrote on Facebook: “This is a very touchy subject .. I volunteer in a “open” big inner city shelter that kills for space .. not because they want to but because they have too .. .. I could never go in a shelter / too sad / depressing / I’d want to take them all home .. and many rescues have puppies as well as adult dogs .. So if you want a puppy you can find them in rescues rather than shelters .. Puppies are gotten out of shelters very quickly.. So this is why I support Spay & Neuter & Adopt .. Don’t shop … Again I know this is a very touchy subject so just sharing my thoughts because I have seen so many healthy adoptable animals killed & it is very sad ..thanks for listening ”

I appreciate Janice’s honestly and civility, but I am uneasy with her invoking dying puppies to plead with people to “not shop” for dogs. I shop for clothes, I never “shop” for dogs.  I pay for the ones I want to live with, there is a big difference.

You pay a breeder, and you pay a shelter or rescue group as well. It is no longer ever free or cheap to get a dog. It is sad that people spend more time researching toasters than dogs, but is also true. This is a process that calls for thought, a study of all possible options, and patience. It ought never be presented as a moral or emotional decision.

The process of getting a dog has been emotionalized almost beyond rationality. We don’t adopt dogs, we “rescue” them and that is one of the most emotionally charged terms in the language. Who, after all, wants to be responsible for the killing of an innocent dog? The danger is that this is a kind of emotional scam, one of the same tools shameless marketers use when they want to pressure into buying something we may not want or need.

People may think they are saving the lives of dogs when they guilt trip people into adopting them in one way, but they are often just abusing them in a different way. When people adopt a dog because they are told there is no other proper way to do it, they very often get the wrong dog for them and their families, primarily because very little is often know about the dog’s genetic or social or behavioral background.

Shelly works in a shelter in Ohio: “So many dogs are returned here, it is traumatic for them and for the people. People just come and want a dog that needs a home. That’s a beautiful thing, but there’s a lot more to it than that, as we tell people. Feeling good about yourself isn’t enough… Quite often, the dogs who come back end up dying because we really don’t have the time or staff or resources to place them in the way we wish.” Shelters vary wildly in staffing and quality. Some are lavish, more comfortable than many human homes, and have wonderful adoption procedures, some are underfunded and understaffed. The dog-seeker needs to be careful.

There are good rescue groups and bad ones, good breeders and shameful ones, good shelters and awful ones. It is, in many ways,  a minefield, one that is completely unregulated and little-supervised.

It often works out, it often does not.

Dogs being abandoned or returned to shelters (or beaten because people blame them for being dogs) are by far the leading cause of death for dogs. The idea that dog-seekers are responsible for all of the needy animals in the world is appallingly manipulative,  dishonest in my view. I could not put a piece of bread in my mouth if I really thought of all the starving people in the world, or that I was responsible for saving them all.

Rescue people scour the country and the world now for dogs to sell and  re-home, it is a self-perpetuating cycle in some ways.  It is their choice, not my choice, even though I live on a farm crammed with rescued animals. I get the impulse, I admire the practice. But it is a choice, not a sacred and universal obligation, and the ethics and practices of shelters and rescue groups require just as much thought and scrutiny as the practices of breeders.

Unfortunately, there isn’t much scrutiny anywhere in the dog world. We are on our own, which is why we really need to think about what we want and what we do, not shut down the process because somebody is trying to make us feel bad.

My ideas about it (and always, always, do what you want, not what I say or anybody else says.)

– Imagine the dog you want and the life you wish to live with it. Walks in the woods? Riding in the car? Going to work with you? Agility? Frisbees? Play groups? Sleeping in bed? Picture the dog in your head, imagine it in your life. That is the first step.

What you imagine are the basis for the things you consider and the questions you will ask when you explore your options for getting a dog. The second is to learn as much as you can about what the breed is like, or if it is to be a shelter or rescue dog, how much the people giving the dog to you can tell you about it. What are your emotional needs and expectations? A loving dog? An outdoor dog? A companion dog? A therapy or agility dog? A dog good with kids? A lap dog to sit with you and watch TV, a Lab-like dog to hike with you in the woods. Imagine what you want.

– Guilt is poison when it comes to choosing a dog for you, and for the dog. Imagine the relationships in your life shaped by guilt and manipulation. Is that really the kind of life you want with your dog?

-Explore the best options for getting to dog, which is what I do when I seek a dog:

Well-run and funded shelter, experienced and transparent rescue group, an experience and conscientious (and transparent breeder.) For me, the dog I know the most about is often the dog I get. Trusting with people? Not aggressive with food, or to people or dogs? Well raised in the litter, socialized as a puppy? A good health history one or two generations back? I want to know the parents history as well as the dog’s experience if it is possible to know. If not, I most often will not take that risk, although I sometimes have.

Dogs can be damaged in so many ways – bad breeding, bad mothering, aggressive siblings, struggles for food and attention, phobias around people and movements.

I need to know a lot about the dog and it’s breeding and background before I bring it into my life and expose it to other people (my dogs meet a lot of people in public situations. There can be no mistakes.)

– If anyone ever tells me there is only one way to get a dog, or uses guilt and manipulation to try and influence me, I reject them and their advice as unethical and untrustworthy.

They don’t know what they are talking about. Just as in my human life,  I turn for advice to people who have the best interests of the dogs and people at heart and respect my freedom to choose. I am not responsible for all of the needy animals in the world, that is an awful tar pit I will not fall into. I am responsible for getting a dog in the most thoughtful and responsible of ways, and giving the dog the safest,  most loving, healthiest and fullest life possible.

A dog is as or more important than a car or a microwave. Sometimes, you can get one almost for free. Sometimes the right one costs some money. If so, it is one of the best investments you will ever make.

A dog is expensive and time-consuming, it will enter your most personal life, and live in your home with your family, it can affect your relationship with your neighbors.

A dog can do you great good and give  you much love and meaning and grounding, or it can be a nightmare, causing stress, lots of frustration and heartbreak. The more  you think about it and research it, the better your odds for getting the dog you want. I have seen this over and over again, and you can see that I have had some wonderful dogs.  I have worked hard at choosing them and thought a great deal about it.

I consider every option, not just one, I owe it to the dog. I often end up getting dogs from good breeders because they are the ones I encounter who spend the most time with me, know the most about their dogs and their history, and ask me the best questions (not whether or not I have a fence or work hard, but what kind of life do I wish to give the dog I am getting.).

I always – always – talk to rescue groups and shelters and ask what kind of dogs they have, and see them if possible and ask about them if not. I agree dogs in need of homes deserve the first shot, the first explorations.

I find that I get the dog I know the most about and understand the best from the person who can tell me the most about them and who takes the time to know me. I know many people who have gotten the most wonderful dogs from shelters and rescue groups, it is a wonderful and satisfying thing to do when it works. It is a painful thing when it doesn’t – millions of dogs are returned to shelters every year in America, most are ultimately killed because people do not know that there are many good ways to get a dog. The odds are good, but it is always something of a crap shoot.

The challenge is to reduce the odds through thoughtfulness and homework.

That is my way to start the process of getting a dog. I will always get the dog I want, and never the dog that somebody else tells me I ought to want because it makes them feel good about themselves. You are entitled to get the dog you want, and if you look around you and pay attention, you will quickly see that the dogs that are wanted are the happiest animals on the earth.