It is quite common today for people to tell  us that there is only one way to get a dog. Whenever I announce that I am looking to get a dog, I am besieged moralist dog lovers begging me to get a shelter dog or a rescue dog, there is, they say, only one proper way to get a dog.

Acquiring a dog has become one of those ideological and political and black-and-white certainties, another spawn of the “left” and the “right” shrinking of the American mind. You don’t need to research it, think about it, do what’s best for the people or the dog, you just need to do it one way because that is the only way to get a dog.

Dogs suffer greatly from this unknowingly heartless, even abusive, thinking. Our shelters are crammed with dogs people either returned or gave up because they didn’t know that dogs don’t live moral and absolutist lives, they were not consulted when it came to choosing the only way to acquire them.

Not every dog is right for every person or every home, and not every home or person is right for every dog.

Just ask some of the millions of dogs languishing in animal shelters all over the country. At one time, getting a dog was a private, even personal decision. There are now more than 80 million dogs in America (there were 15 million in the 1960’s) and more than a half-million of them are on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications. Dog bites are skyrocketing, according to the CDC (Centers For Disease Control) and the American Pediatric Association, which monitors bites on the faces and necks of children, says these bites are “epidemic.”

There are somewhere between 10 and 12 million dogs in shelters, according to the U.S. Humane Society.

Perhaps it is time to advocate the thoughtful rather than the knee-jerk acquisition of dogs, who are, after all, animals very dependent on us for their survival and well-being.

I am asked all the time how I get dogs, and my answer is always the same: in as thoughtful a way as I can. I get a dog in a way that considers the nature and needs of the dog, and the nature and needs of the human. There are, as every true dog lover knows, many good ways to get a dog. Deciding in advance that there is only one way is not one of them.

We are all different. We live in different environments, have different needs, resources, energies, psyches, families, homes.

I have had rescue dogs and dogs purchased from conscientious and ethical breeders, and I have had a long string of great and wonderful dogs and joyous experiences. I have also made some painful mistakes and missteps. I am, above all, human and human beings make mistakes.

Those mistakes are always mine, not the dog’s, and they have taught me to work hard and think long before I get a dog.

Shelters are great, if the right dog is there for you. There are good shelters and bad shelters. Rescue dogs are wonderful, if the human and dog can know something about each other and match up well. There are very good rescue groups and very bad rescue groups. And there are breeder- raised and sold dogs. There are good breeders and bad breeders.

This should be obvious, but in our polarized world, it is often forgotten. The dog world is not black-and-white. Our narrowing visions are.

If there are two words to use when it comes to getting a dog, I would choose “carefully” and “thoughtfully.” Karen Thompson read one of my books and grasped that Red was a perfect fit for me. I was a little eccentric in my life with dogs, I had sheep and I had and trained hospice therapy dogs. She knew it was a good fit and sent me many videos of Red and talked me through it. She was right. A good breeder is a wonderful way to get a dog. Good breeders keep the very best traits in dogs alive. Where, after all, do people think those border collies on TV come from?

She and I talked about the work here, the life she thought Red could be leading, she wanted to know about the life I was leading. We talked and talked until we got to the same place. It turned out well foe me, and for Red. The same thing happened with Fate, she has sheep, a farm to run around in, walks in the woods, a person to be with all day.

Good shelter workers and rescue group volunteers can do the same thing Karen did. People spent more time and money researching microwave ovens than they do choosing dogs, live animals who will come into their homes, be with their children and family members, spent a decade or more with them on average. Yet it is unthinkable for many people to spend money on a dog. A dog is not necessarily the best dog for you just because it got into trouble in Alabama and was driven elsewhere for adoption, or “rescue,” as is the term now.

A dog is not necessarily the best fit for you because it was rescued off of a Caribbean beach and needs a home. There are plenty of dogs in Newark and many large cities that need homes as well. A dog isn’t right for you just because it’s cute and some breeder is asking $2,000 for it. Rescue is a wonderful thing, but for me it is not the point. Getting the right dog and giving him or her the best possible home is the point.

It is more complex than that, for your sake, for the dogs. I live on a farm with sheep, my choice is fairly clear, I need a well-bred working dog with stamina, intelligence, a gentle bite and working instincts. I need a good breeder for that. Maria got Frieda, a wonderful dog, from a shelter. Frieda was a tough dog to handle in many ways, but she could not have been a better dog for Maria, who walked often in the woods, often worked out of her home and felt the need for some protection from the world.

They were a wonderful pair, two man-haters navigating and uncertain world together, and she turned out to be a wonderful dog for me as well.

If someone told you there was only one way to get married – rescue a man or woman in trouble – somewhere, anywhere in the world, you would think it fatuous and simple-minded. It is simple-minded to choose a dog in that way.

We are blessed with a number of different and very good ways to get a dog, and we are morally and ethically obliged to consider all of them when we bring so complex and individualistic a creature as a canine animal into our worlds. Some breeds are food-aggressive because they come from cold and remote climates where there is little food available to them. Some need long periods of exercise and attention, some need little or none.

Dogs lasted many thousands of years without being medicated for anxiety. Something is wrong with us, not them. We are not choosing them thoughtfully.

Some dogs are disposed to biting children who come near their food, some will let children take food right out of their mouths. Good animal providers have some traits in common, it is good to listen and look for them: they want to talk to you, have a conversation with you.

They want to know about your life, your family, your environment, your training ideas and philosophy. Good dog providers are not looking for reasons to keep a dog away from you (because you are not rich or have a big fence or work hard), they are looking for reasons to get you a dog that fits into your life. With many dogs languishing in crates for years in supposedly “humane” no-kill shelters, there is no reason hardly anyone who want a dog ought not be able to find one.

The Internet gives us a way to do our homework, we can research breed traits and histories, and breed traits matter. A border collie is not a mutt, a mutt is not a Lab. It isn’t that one is better or worse than the other, it’s that they are different. Shelters now love to cal mixed breeds “American shelter” dogs to avoid having to identify their breed traits, I think this is an outrageous abdication of responsibility. They say that vets can’t identify breed traits, there is much evidence that this is simply a lie. People have the right to know as much information about a dog as it is possible to get, especially from vets who have been through six years of schooling.

Border collies are a nightmare in the wrong place, they are among the breeds most abused, abandoned and returned. There are dogs known as Pit Bulls that are wonderful, loyal, gentle and loving pets, there are dogs known as Pit Bulls that can, through no fault of their own, be dangerous. For your sake and for the sake of the dog, and your children’s safety and well-being, you need to know which is which.

Getting a dog is a moral and emotional experience, but not only those things. It is a process. It is a  relationship, a commitment, a kind of marriage. More dogs than ever are being purchased and rescued and adopted, more dogs than ever are biting, being abused by frustrated and ignorant owners, being medicated, returned to shelters or abandoned.

Dogs can’t think about where they are going, they are dependent on us to do that. When we refuse to exercise our uniquely human options to be thoughtful and to consider the kind of dog we really want and can care for, they we are just as immoral as the worst kind of abuser. We are sending dogs into peril, not rescue.

My dogs depend on me to think for them and speak for them, and I do believe there is only one way to get a dog: in whatever way works best for you and for the dog. The test is not how righteous we are, but how good a life the dog can live with us.