I looked across the pond and saw Maria standing with Fate and Red, and I saw their reflections in the water, and I thought – the idea raced through my head – that this is my family now, this is the love and connection that is a part of my daily life and surrounds me, this is the family I can trust and count on.

My first family, my biological family, was destroyed by mental illness and conflict and bitter disappointment. They are all gone or so estranged I do not know where they live or what they do. We all seemed to fail one another at every turn. My sister and I have been close from the first and although we rarely see one another, our love for each other is genuine and impermeable

We stay close. We know.

My second family was destroyed by my troubles and my decision to leave for the country and eventually, get divorced. My ex-wife and I have great respect and affection for another, even after a long and difficult divorce. The divorce caused some pain for my daughter Emma, but we have both worked hard to re-connect with one another, we love each other very much even if we don’t always understand each other.

I give her great credit for courage and success, for never walking away from me and for working to love me and know me, for putting her life together in such a loving and productive way. I will be a grandfather in August, and I gather my very idea of family will change once again. We have never abandoned each other.

This morning, out in the woods, standing around that pond, I saw my true family before me, and felt a wash of love and gratitude. Our culture promotes the idea that family is everything, that family is the one thing to count on, the place you always have to go.

I am sorry to know that this is not the truth for me, or for so many people that I know. For me, family has been something to run and hide from, something that was not there, was never a place I knew I could go. When that happens, the world is somehow turned upside down, these are wounds that never really heal, puzzles that can never really be solved.

Maria and I have both struggled all of our lives with the idea of trust and family, and yet, this miracle, we have found each other, and many good friends, and live in the loving cocoon and warm embrace of animal spirits, magical helpers on the hero journey.

You can, I know now, give rebirth to  yourself, there is such a thing as resurrection, new chapters. You can make your own family if you must.

This is what I felt standing on the edge of that pond, looking at my family now across the water, seeking their reflections shimmering in the morning sun. I am nothing but lucky, my eyes are open, and I am fulfilled.