The author Robert Heinlein wrote that  women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. It’s good advice, but Heinlein might have added that some pirate young border collies will do as they please and perhaps their humans ought to relax and get used to the idea as well.

Fate and I are locked in the second week of a struggle that began when she lifted raw hamburger meat off of the kitchen counter and ate it when no one was looking. This prompted a series of failed efforts at stopping this behavior before it becomes chronic. I tossed a throw chain at her, set up mousetraps.

I don’t think I’m all that smart, but when I stumble, I am reminded forcefully that I am not very smart.

It is not going well for me, and I have trained a lot of dogs to stay away from the counter. I had absolutely no doubt that I could train Fate to stay away. Not yet. Yesterday, another round. I put a piece of bread on a plate on the floor, the idea being I would reinforce the idea that she eats only from her food bowl and nowhere else – no plates, no counters. The burger meat was on this plate.

I put it on the floor and said nothing when she looked at it, I wanted the chance to correct the behavior. I backed up through the doorway out of sight. I went into the living room – I could see the plate but not her and she could not see me. I sat down and checked my e-mail.

Ten minutes went by I hadn’t heard her or seen her, I walked into the kitchen to see if she had moved. She hadn’t. She looked up at me as I came in. I could almost hear her.

“Seriously? Do you think I’m stupid? Do you think I’ll fall for this?”

I went into the study to test my theory and came back an hour later. She was dozing in the living room. The bread was still there.

So what have I gleaned from this week?

First, Fate is smarter than me, I admit it.

Secondly, she is either psychic, speaks English, or reads my mind (so maybe she does visualizations also, as I claim). I am used to accepting the fact that most of the women I live with are smarter than me. My wife is. Chloe the pony knows when I am getting the rich hay and when I am getting the older stuff. If I am getting the former, she is standing waiting at the gate. If I am getting the cheaper stuff, she is wandering around.

I know that Fate seems to grasp when i am laying a trap and when I am not. So far, it has worked this way:  If we unintentionally leave food out and walk away for awhile, it may or may not disappear. If I am setting it out for any reason to catch or correct her, she just gives me the look above and doesn’t bite, as it were.

She has more patience than I do.

I will try again and keep you posted, but Heinlein’s idea is growing on me.