When I first moved to the country and started my blog, I began receiving gifts. A lot of gifts. I wasn’t sure how to handle this, it had never happened to me before. One of the gifts was from a disturbed and angry woman who sent me enormous glass and oil paintings – some four and five feet long. I got statues of dogs and lamps and things I had no room to keep.

At the time, I was living alone, keeping the world at bay. My farm was a castle guarded by a moat and no one was allowed in. Gifts were threatening to me, I had all of the intimacy issues of the abused child. It was dangerous for people to get close, and the gifts came right into my home.

I have changed. I have learned a lot of things about gifts, I have come to understand them in a new way. Some gifts are not really presents for me, they are for the people who send them. These kinds of gifts always feel strange, disconnected from me, not about me or my life. They come from another place. They don’t feel comfortable.

As I changed, the gifts changed. I can’t imagine throwing any of them out or taking them back to the post office to be returned. I think this energy thing has something to it, you attract what you are.

A part of me always thinks I don’t deserve gifts, I am always shocked to get them.

Each gift is different. My Post Office Box (P.O. Box 205, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816) has deepened my understanding of gifts, and the gifts I receive are touching, affirming, uplifting and meaningful to me. Each one affirms my work, my spirit and my intention to be as good a human being as I can be.

They connect me to my community, all of you, everywhere.

Maria and I got a wonderful gift today from Anita Edmonds, she lives in North Carolina. There were two knitted wool caps, we both love them and accepted them happily and gratefully. They were pure, sincere, knowing and very special.

(It is not necessary to send me gifts, letters are fine, but I am learning to accept gifts and appreciate them. They make me hopeful about myself.)

“These two hats are for you,” wrote Anita,”because I’m very grateful to be allowed glimpses of your lives (I envision Maria in the periwinkle and rust stripes and Jon in the gray, but I may be wrong..). I enjoy both your blogs immensely, you artwork, your thoughts, your daily lives, and the animals. Thank you both for sharing with the rest of us.

I know it’s late for knitted hats (We are in the high 70’s in western NC this week!), but perhaps not where you are – and you can always tuck them away for next winter. They’re wool and need to be hand-washed. I hope they keep you warm. Warm thoughts come with them. – Anita Edmonds.”

Anyone who does not love and gratefully accept a gift like that is broken. The gray hat is on my head as we speak, a cold front has descended and I love the look and feel of it. Maria loves hers the same way. What a remarkable thing that this lovely person would take the time and trouble to make us these hats.

Wool caps are not a small thing in upstate New York, especially for a bald man. I wear one all day, even when I am writing. Especially when I am writing.

It is difficult, even for a writer, to describe how much a thoughtful and gracious gift like this means to us, coming from far away. We often wonder why anyone would want to share our lives, and it is a powerful thing to see that it matters to someone like Anita. It will be cold for awhile yet, Anita. You were right about the colors of course.

It is us who ought to thank you for wanting to share our lives. People like you make us and our lives possible, and I thank you on behalf of both of us.

Gifts are not a problem for me any longer. They have helped me to open up, and accept the great love and affection that exists in the world, and is rarely, if ever, seen on the corporate entity that calls itself news. Given the chance, people are good. Accepting gifts can be a gift to others.

My Post Office Box (P.O. Box 205, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816)  is a treasure, a beacon unto the world, a connection of the human spirit that reminds me every time I open it of the richness and warmth and decency and generosity of spirit that shine in the world, for all of its troubles.

Thanks Anita, you give a greater gift than you know.