Happy Birthday to you, Paul, we missed you this week in the Pompanuck Farm Sugar House, it was about one year ago that we had our first meeting of the Fabulous Old Men’s Club, it was also  the last meeting we had. We had a moment of silence in your honor and memory, but none of us have quite had the faith or heart to call another meeting or replace you.

I will be  honest with you, you did take the wind out of our sails.

Perhaps it is best that we just leave the club the way it was, we had a good time that cool night in that warm and bubbling place, so close to life and nature, and to the good spirits of men who wish to be better and good. If we want to meet again, we can start another club with a different name.

I told you when you last visited that I believe that faith is the only key to the universe, the final meaning of human aspiration and existence, and the answers to questions on which all of our happiness and peace depends cannot be found in any other way.

You have entered into the mystical realm for me, you are a question that can never be answered for me, an understanding that can never be known or found. I remember hearing on my cell phone that you were gone, and life has, of course, gone on for me, I am well and content, but a piece of life broke off and flew up into the sky, circling and circling like leaves caught in a strong wind, spiraling upwards and upwards.

There are many wise men and women who seem to know where you want and where you are and what you are going, I am not one of them. I accept but do not understand. Faith will have to carry me the rest of the way.

I do think of you often, and still sometimes look for your daily messages and links and observations in my message queue and inbox. That’s a reflex, of course, I understand there will not be anymore. But life does not yet seem quite normal without you in it. I guess when all is said and done, most of us do not connect powerfully to too many people, and the loss of one rearranges the landscape.

If you are up there and paying attention, I wish you well, and i hope you know you touched many people’s lives and so many people loved you.

We stay close to Pamela, she is strong and called and committed to do her work. Be well, we will be in the sugar house tomorrow, and will toast you with a hot toddy.