Tomorrow is Maria’s birthday, she will be 52 years old.
A child. I tell her often that I have a lifetime of wisdom and experience beyond her, and it always ticks her off. I am trying to figure out how to celebrate her birthday with her, it is not easy celebrating a birthday with someone who hates celebrations, gets angry if I give her gifts, hates spending money on things like fancy restaurant, and would rather do her art than breathe.
If I ask her what kind of celebration she wants, she usually says nothing, let’s go see the animals and give them carrots. I got her a book this week, that doesn’t count. I got her some flowers last week, that doesn’t count either.
This morning, I watched her out in the pasture applying some first aid to the apple tree that some of the animals have been nibbling on. Maria is all about love and art, she loves every living thing on the farm, human, plant and animal, and many things that are not living, including baling wire and many rocks.
When we got together, she was new to a farm, and bewildered by it, as I was. Now, she is a farmer through and through, she is as handy with pliers and drills as she is with a sewing machine. In ten minutes, she had wrapped chicken wire against the tree wound, re-arranged a bunch of logs and rocks, and made plans to get a fence around the tree in the Spring.
“I couldn’t bear to see that tree die,” she said. And she couldn’t. She re-homes plants, bugs, worms, cans and cups.
When we got married, some clucking friends assured us that our love would not last long, that love grows stale, and they were wrong. Our love has only deepened and grown. I want to mark Maria’s birthday – I don’t care for birthday celebrations either – but am still puzzling over how to do it.
I want to celebrate her birthday with her because I want to celebrate her life, and give thanks for it. It has brought light and meaning into my own.
Sometimes, the greatest gift for her is no gift. Sometimes, it is a movie and Indian food (two things that don’t exist in our town.) Sometimes, it is love and conversation. I have some ideas, and I will share them with you on Thursday.