Maria is worried that the trim in the bathroom project is too yellow, not orange enough. For me, it can’t be bright enough, yellow is fine.

But in the very complex lives of the two of us, everything has different meaning and layers of  complexity. We are both always on the alert, we still are too close to the madness.

I told Maria that her anxiousness has nothing to do with the color of the bathroom. Her worries come from another place and time, when she was pressured into doing labor she didn’t wish to do, and then judged harshly for not doing it properly.

I could see she was getting worried and uncertain, the past was rearing up. Was it too yellow? Too bright? Was she messing it up? Is it too much like the living room? Would I be disappointed? Would it be awful? At this point, we had to sit down and talk. Really? Me, disappointed over a bright color in the bathroom?

You need to separate this, I said, from that other life. In truth, I told her, you love any kind of art that you do, and your creativity is a miracle, it is bringing our home back to life, with no resources but paint and our own energy. Look what you’ve done with the kitchen and the rest of the bathroom. With yourself and with me.

The truth, I said, is that you love doing this, as long as it of  your own free will, as long as you can be creative, as long as you know you won’t be judged for using your imagination and brilliant instincts.

We listen to each other, always. You are right, she said, words I can never hear often enough in my life. This must be fun for you in your mind, I said,  as it is in your heart. And Fate is right there, watching.

If you watch Maria work, you can see how much she loves to bring art and creativity to the world around her – in her clothes, her studio, her quilts and potholders, her hanging pieces, every room and windowsill of her house, in the corners and windows of my study, in the corners and windows of my life.

In a half hour we’ll go back into the bathroom and decide on the final color. I hope it is this yellow for the trim. I can’t wait to hear what she will choose for the walls.