Maria and I went to Blue Star Equiculture farm in Palmer, Mass. today for a number of reasons. We wanted to see our friend Pamela Rickenbach and take her out to a holiday lunch. We wanted to say goodbye to two beautiful horses, Buford and China, both sick and near the end of their lives. We wanted to see Blue Star the other horses there. And as always, I wanted to remember the life and work of my friend Paul Moshimer.

And to be honest, I wanted to see how the farm is faring six months after Paul died, a suicide. He hung himself from a beautiful pine tree behind the farmhouse.

For sure, it was a bittersweet visit, loaded with emotion and feeling, especially just a few days before Christmas. Blue Star is a place in transition, Paul and Pamela built it together, worked it together every day. Paul’s death was both stunning and shattering. But It was good to be there.

I am seeking the meaning of Christmas, and i felt the call to go to Blue Star very strongly as Christmas approaches. Maria felt it too.

The farm looked wonderful, Pamela has gotten grants to build several new pastures that will drain water more efficiently and provide firm footing for horses and people.  The barns have never looked cleaner, the horses more lively and healthy. More farmers than ever are coming to Blue Star and asking about how they can find working horses to replace tractors and trucks to help the environment and save significant amounts of money.

Blue Star’s college courses on working animals are full, they are bursting with energy.

The farm was alive with volunteers and visitors.

We took Pamela out for Chinese food, she seemed strong and clear and as devoted to the horses and Blue Star as ever. She is looking ahead, she says she is committed to staying on the farm and doing the work she and Paul began. That was good to hear. It was a painful and difficult year for Pamela, she is coming through it with courage and strength of purpose. More than ever, Blue Star is looking for support to grow and provide a secure home for working horses who need rescue, retirement or rehabilitation.

There is pain and sorrow etched all over Pamela’s face and consciousness, also much beauty, strength and clarity. We talked for hours, it could not have felt more comfortable or connecting.

The big horses are magical, loving, intelligent and playful. They are just mesmerizing to be around. It is still sad to go there, of course.  Paul was my friend, he cast a deep shadow. I don’t understand much more about his suicide than I did when it occurred, although I have learned much more about him than he was able to tell me.

When someone kills themselves that way, without warning or message, they live a powerful wake. We all own our lives, we all have the right to make our own choices. I did say a quiet prayer for  him out in the pasture.

Pamela means a lot to Maria and to me, and we both believe very strongly in Blue Star and it’s mission.  As the idea of animal rights has become ever more hateful and controversial, Blue Star shines as a place of love and peace.

No one is harmed there, animals or people.

It is, I think the future of animals in or world and of animals and people living and working together. Blue Star saves working horses, educates people about them and works to preserve the glorious relationship people and horses have had for thousands of years. Blue Star understands the love working animals have for work with people. And supports the notion that people and animals need to be treated with love and respect and dignity.

For this, Pamela is regularly assaulted and reviled, as Paul was, this is the great moral inversion surrounding animals and their care. We are rooting for Pam and standing with her.

There are many horses in need at Blue Star and it costs a lot of money to care for them. At this time of the year, think of the horses and think of the place that cares for them the most. You can join the Blue Star herd here and help in any number of ways.