17 December

Moments: Life Of The Mind, Life Of The Heart

by Jon Katz
Moments
Moments

I live in my own head, I live a life of the mind. Maria lives in her own head as well, but she lives a life of the heart.

Most days, I come and go and there may  be weeks before I talk to a cat, or brush a donkey. I am almost always with a dog, but I am most always thinking of what to write, what to take a photograph of. My mind is always busy, just like a border collie.  I am not blind to the significance of the fact that I almost always have a camera between me and the things around me, Maria rarely has one.

Any life is marked by moments, and every day there are moments on the farm I want to record and share. I am amazed at how much those moments mean to people. Our stories are important, I tell that to my students all of the time. Maria connects with every single animal on the farm every single day. She stops to hug Minnie, talk to Flo, visit the chickens, brush or ride Chloe, commune with the donkeys, hang out with Red or Fate.

It seems I am always with a dog, but I don’t have a great need or desire to touch each of the animals every day, or even often. I guess I just don’t think of it. Sometimes, Maria will remind me, and I appreciate it. She has me kissing Chloe every morning and brushing the donkeys, she reminds me that they need to be with me. She notices if I haven’t held Minnie for a couple of weeks, or am not talking warmly to Chloe.

I sometimes feel like one of those men you see in the movies – gruff and closed up on the outside, waiting to be opened up on the inside, often by a good woman. That is the cliche, perhaps the reality, in some ways.

I am at an interesting point in life, I am, for the first time, liking who I am. I don’t feel the call to explain it to people or apologize to them for it. They can take it or leave it. I am finally with a person who accepts it.

When Maria puts up a photo of me hugging a donkey or kissing a horse, people seem delighted. “Oh,” they say, “it’s good to see that side of Jon,” as if that side is invisible or perhaps not really there.

But I am keenly aware of love. I love the love around me, and I love the life of the mind, I love being with someone who lives a life of the heart, I sometimes join in, sometimes share it, but I always love seeing it and capturing it. It is the essence of my creativity.

Maybe that is something that wants to come out in me, as Maria suggests, maybe it is just something beautiful and uplifting to watch. I will never be  just like Maria, and I think what works best about us is that we are different in many ways, but connected at the center, joined at soul.

I accept and support and love who she is, she returns the favor. What a gift that is for me, and I hope, for her.

The miracle is that every day, I have a moment to capture, one that touches my heart, even though I live in my mind. Although Maria and I are different in this way, this is perhaps what works the best for both of us.

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