We had dinner with Carol and Ed Gulley Saturday night, Carol made a hearty farm stew, we did what we always do when we see Carol and Ed, we sat and talked for hours. I’m learning a lot about friendship, that was always a struggle for me. I think friendship is the glue that holds life and faith together sometimes, it is often as important as family, in my case more so.
On the way home, Maria and I were talking about how comfortable we are with the Gulleys, how much we like them, how easy it is to talk to them. On the surface, we could hardly be more different. Maria and I are both urban people, transplants to the country, ours is a life of the mind, the farmer’s life is very much of the body and spirit, of family, the earth, animals, tradition.
Yet beneath all of that, below the surface, we are soul mates. Our lives feel very similiar I think the definition of friendship for me is that friends see the world in more or less the same way. A friend is someone of whom I often say, “yes, me too.”
What makes friendship, I often wonder? Maybe it’s where I am welcome any time.
I think friendship is about trust, you can talk openly with a friend. I think it’s about humor and connection, the Gulleys have a lot of great stories to tell, life on a farm is rich in tales and memories. I think it’s about empathy, they want to know about our lives, how we are doing. T
I think it’s about seeing the world in the same way. Ed and I probably have different politics, I don’t really know, but I knew he would not like the bullying of Hilary Clinton by those arrogant congressmen and women any more than I did. They are always looking to help us if we need help. Ed read about my adventure with planing wood the other day, he suggested we get a piece of glass next time and tape one end, and we can plane easily and for free.
If I ever run out of hay in a cold winter, he said, just drive over to his barns and get some. I am going to help Ed get a blog up, he has a lot to say. A friend is someone you know you can call.
The Gully kitchen is a classic farmhouse kitchen, animals snoring all over the place (three dogs sleep out in the barn, along with Sadie the goat), there is always something cooking on the stove. They have a new antique ice dresser (on the left) to keep jars and jams cool in when the kitchen is hot. Dinner is after seven at the Gulleys, when the second milking of the day is done. The family is usually streaming through the kitchen when we are there. I always remember to leave before it gets too late, they get up at 5 a.m. The are always uncomplaining and cheerful in the face of brutally long and endless work.
The Gulleys seek a life of individuality and meaning. The Gulleys are crazy about animals, a seminal part of their lives. Ed is undergoing a great awakening, he loves farming but wants to also pursue life as an artist, his creativity is fairly erupting inside of him now. He sold a bunch of his “junk art” at our Open House in October. He wants to devote more of his life to making art when he can. Ed is interested in joining the Fabulous Old Men’s Club, which lost a third of it’s membership when Paul Moshimer died earlier this year. He would be great, he is a Fabulous Old Man.
We talked about our mothers, our dreams, our dogs, the farm. Ed has a host of sometimes funny, sometimes horrific stories of farm life and animal life. He was saved from a silo gas encounter by a dancing Native-American jogger who ran barefoot in the winter. His dog Jake hunted coyotes threatening the farm and fought and killed them. He adopted a hawk that visits him in the field. He and Carol had baby racoons living in the kitchen.
Ed has been maimed, injured, nearly killed more times than I could count. He has great stories to tell. Carol presents herself as a typical farm wife, but she is not. She is a loving partner and sensitive friend. She is ferociously loyal to her husband and family. She helped advise me on my play, “Last Day At Mapleview Farm,” at Hubbard Hall last January.
The Gulleys are very real, no pretense, no games, no acute sensitivities or sharp words or tempers. They love one another very much.
Carol is funny, smart, utterly devoted to her children and grandchildren. She and I shared the experience of Open Heart Surgery last year, and that can connect people in a fairly basic way.
Friendship is part chemical, part happenstance, part mystical. In the past several years, friendship has been coming into my life, our lives. I think it happened when I was open to it. It is comforting to know that kitchen will be up and running this winter when it gets dark and cold. And that we are welcome there any time.