I am quick to embrace some change, other change confounds me. Maria loves her pony, and Chloe seems very fond of her. She seems fond of me too, she comes up to me, nuzzles me, follows me around sometimes, sniffs my pockets for food, loves to be rubbed and scratched. But I realized today that she has, to some extent, confounded me.

I know best how to love dogs, and be loved by them.

I know how to love donkeys and be loved by them.

I do not love sheep.

I love Flo the barn cat and communicate easily with her.

I do not love chickens.

I do not love sheep, nor do they love me, in part because they usually see me with a crazy dog who chases them.

I just do not know how to love a horse, although this one is affectionate, smart and has a ton of personality. The horse was Maria’s project, she took lessons, talked to a score of people (more), she grooms and rides Chloe almost every day, brings her carrots and corn and apples, talks to her, listens to her.

I mostly stick to the dogs, and sometimes, the donkeys. I am not as naturally affectionate as Maria, nor as open. Chloe seems big to me, and she communicates very directly and on her very own terms. I hear that is what ponies are like. Today, she decided to walk with me around the pasture, she wanted me to rub her nose, talk to her. I did that, and shooed the flies away from her. I stood with her while she grazed.

Every now and then, she lifted her head and brushed it against me, if I moved away, she moved with me and grazed next to me. I see that a horse is less direct than a dog, more restless than a donkey.

Chloe is very serious about food, much as Red is serious about sheep. She has a short attention span, and a very strong willed. She likes to take short walks with me, but she is so big and strong it makes me a little nervous. I am not drawn to grooming her. She is careful not to knock me down, and I trust that, and she is also careful to step around Fate or Red. She stepped on Fate once, when Fate ran under her hooves, and it was scary but not for Fate. It didn’t happen again.

I am happy to have Chloe on the farm, Maria is thrilled to have her, it is good for photos, our blogs, our writing and our work with animals. Chloe has a huge following now, it will be bigger at the October Open House, I suspect. She loves crowds, a good Bedlam animal.

I see horses show affection by being near you, by brushing against you, by letting you touch them. She whinnies loudly when she sees me or Maria and comes running. She is very much Maria’s pony, not mine. I’m good with that. I can’t imagine riding her, and find the grooming and tack stuff complicated and it gives me a headache. You can’t just walk a horse, you have to unravel a ton of leather and harness and bridle and arrange it like a complex Lego set.

Sometimes I see that Chloe is flirting with me, I feel it. I’ve started talking back to her, looking for sweet spots to rub. I do not ever want to ride on her.

Maria has a great gift with animals, her emotions are right on the surface and she talks easily and naturally to and with them. I am much more closed up than she is, much more guarded, I think. Chloe seems very big to me, a very alien mind. I have to do these things alone, I don’t really want to talk to anybody about it, I want to feel my way through it. That can take a long time and it is nice, in a way, that I have time. She is not my pony.

I was reminded today that all I have to do with Red or Fate is open the door to the yard, and the gate to the pasture. And we are in business. Nothing is that simple with a horse.

The truth is, I do not yet know how to love a horse, or be loved by one. I think I will get there if I want to, and I think I do.