Perhaps the most intense emotional experience of the week was the closing of O’Hearn’s Pharmacy in my town of Cambridge. Pharmacists, small doctor’s offices, florists, all kinds of small businesses close every day in America, there is only one pharmacy left in my county.

I went to my Rite-Aid yesterday to check on my new account there – they bought Bridget’s customer list, I believe – it was fine, they were nice, efficient, I got my medicines. Is this the brave new world, or is this another example of the decline of community, individualism and connection.

It’s true I didn’t feel known at Rite-Aid, but I’m new. I got a flu shot there and was recognized by Nicole, who was a great help to me before I signed up with Bridget and who helped me navigate my confusion over all the diabetes apparatus – the needles, testing machines, strips and  other things I needed to figure out.

We were glad to see each other, she had been so helpful to me, I remembered her well.  I don’t think anyone there knows what I do for a living, nor do I get the sense it would matter.

So there she was,  Nicole, taking care of me again.  Warm,smart, helpful. Isn’t community what you make of it? If you want it and look for it, can’t you find it?  Are connections up to me, can we simply blame the dark forces of the world for taking things away from us, for lamenting our lives, for bitching about change.

We live with bigness now, with phone trees and customer service in far away places, with harried voices on the phone, we hide behind our sparkling galaxy of devices.

I’ve heard a lot of bitching about change in my town this week, people are quite understandably upset about Bridget. But I am going to see if I can’t create my own community at Rite-Aide. I want to stop blaming others for the way I feel, I don’t wish to complain about my life, or the world I live.

I got the pills I needed, quickly and efficiently. I don’t need to be close friends with everyone who helps me.

One pharmacist wrote me and said – very politely – that the truth of the matter is that small, poorly-staffed and overwhelmed independent pharmacies were simply not built to handle the complexity, volume and cost of the modern health care system. They just don’t make economic sense any longer, he said. Like corner groceries, it is just the way economies evolve.

I have no idea if this is true or not. Bridget told me her father used to get a $4.75 for each pharmaceutical transaction that he handled. Today, 25 years later, the fee is 47 cents. The insurance companies have tremendous power, and the big chains have enough volume to make the cheaper fees worth while. Online drugs give consumers a wider range of choices than they used to have before, that is also something new, something that hurts pharmacies.

It’s more complex than nostalgia. I am a mid-list book writer, and I don’t make much sense to most publishers any longer.  In my last several years at Random House, I’m not sure I actually spoke to anyone there on the phone at all. It was just e-mails, then nothing. Not one person said goodbye to me or spoke to me after more than 30 years of working together.  I just don’t earn enough money any longer to pay attention to. Publishing has changed, it isn’t personal.

The truth of it is there was no one left there that I knew, or even thought to call and say goodbye.

I was sorry to see the pain and hurt in my town over the closing of O’Hearn’s pharmacy. It is strange to say it, but a piece of all of us was shut down as well, that will take some healing and time.  People in small rural agricultural towns know loss, they have been seeing it for generations. As for me, I wish to take responsibility for my own community. I can’t blame the chains and corporations for being disconnected and unknown. That is my job, my work, my attitude.

We’ll see what I can do.