I suppose Paul Moshimer brought Doug Anderson and me together. He and Paul were very close friends, and Paul spoke very admiringly of Doug, a poet, photographer and iconoclastic man. Doug teaches poetry and writing, he is a former Vietnam combat medic and his experiences there has shaped his life.

He and I met from time to time at Blue Star, but I sensed that we were skirting around one another, I think it is not easy for either of us to make friends easily. People at Blue Star love Doug, a couple thought he has been sad lately, so I invited him to come to the farm for a chance of scenery, and he came Friday and is leaving Tuesday morning.

It worked out very well, I think Doug needed to get away for a bit, and I relished to chance to talk with him and get to know  him. We didn’t talk that much about Paul. Doug offered some insights that were helpful to me in trying to understand what happened. But we both realized that suicide is inherently irrational and sometimes, you just can’t make sense of out  and need to accept that. And, when you can, move on.

Doug and I will be dealing with the shock of Paul’s death for some time, as will his wife Pamela and the many people who loved and valued  him. Doug is a smart man, a creative, he is also a very caring man. There is a dark side of him, stemming mostly from his nightmarish experiences in Viet Nam. He told me something of that nightmare, it has shaped a lot of his very powerful work. We talked a lot about Blue Star, the magic and power of the place, our commitment to it, our love and respect for Pamela, the astonishing young people who have come there on a pilgrimage for a more meaningful life.

We hit it off, became friends I believe, we are both loners living creative lives, our connection yet another gift from Paul. I hope the visit was helpful to him, it was so helpful to me. My heart is heavy from Paul’s death still, and I am always conscious of the fact that this is not my tragedy, I will not be a sorrow thief.

Doug took a bunch of photos, went for some walks in the woods, sat and talked with me, watched me herd sheep with Fate. I told him he is welcome her anytime, he need not make any reservations, he cam just come and hole up.