Emma hired a wedding photographer, she didn’t want me hiding behind my camera all night and missing a sense of the ceremony. She asked me to take a few photos and I decided, as always, to concentrate on the emotion that I saw. This photo was of Emma and Jay dancing the first dance at their reception after the wedding, it says about everything I could say about the marriage.

When you daughter gets married, you move from one passage of life to another. Daughters are always little girls to some extent in their fathers mind’s, and I was thinking about the times when Emma came out of bed to find me and ask me to get the ghosts and goblins out of her closet. She always trusted me to do it, and that meant the world to me to help her feel safe, to be necessary and important to her. I saw the little girl gone for good Saturday night, waving goodbye in the loving embrace of a good man.

My daughter does not need me in that old way any longer, and that was always my job, to help guide her to a life that she could live by herself, independently and with confidence. I always felt the best parent is one who is not needed much as their child moves into the world. I think it is true that children always need their parents to some extent.  We always understand each other in a unique and particular way. People tell me that daughters always need their fathers, and I imagine that is true.

But she is writing her own story, as I am writing mine. That is, I think the way of life.

The idea that a daughter will always need her father is in some ways a fantasy, a bit of emotionalizing, I think. Love and need are two different things. If she needs me I am always here, of course, but it is hard for me to see that. Emma can take care of herself, and she and Jay are a powerful partnership. We will be moving to a different space, and I will always try and respect hers. At this point in my life, I am not something she should be worrying about or thinking about, she is knee-deep in her own wonderful life now, and I will be cheering her on.

I guess my thoughts about parenting are unconventional now.  I never saw Em as my best friend or emotional salvation. I always wanted her to have her life, and for her to understand mine, not be enmeshed in it. That is hard work in it’s own way. Looking at this photo, I felt were are there in this new and profoundly meaningful space. It is humbling.