Many of you reading this have lost a dog or cat or other animal and understand the experience, the sting of it is perhaps not different for you than it is for me or for Maria. In some ways it poses particular questions for us, and I want to share that with you. My dogs are public figures, much loved and followed beyond the confines of the farm. My decisions and thoughts about dogs and animals in my life are also public, I share much of the experience in my work, on the blog.

People have followed the lives of my animals for years, they know them nearly as well as I do, they laugh and cry along with me, and their love and loss are shared. We lost two animals that were powerful figures on the farm, in my work, in our lives – Simon, who I just published a book about, and Lenore, who has been the subject of adult and children’s books, and was a regular feature of my work and my blog. I was, in fact, in the midst of re-training her to walk on country roads when she fell to cancer and died.

And Maria’s beloved Frieda, a towering figure of a dog, her companion and protector (and also a book) is now 15 years old and is struggling in many ways, mentally and physically. We do not believe she will be living with us for much longer, she is working hard to survive this difficult winter. Maria’s emotions are close to the surface, her love and feelings have been tested this year, and will be tested again.

So what next for us and our lives with animals? We both believe it is time for more life at Bedlam Farm, we have had enough loss, we are not nearly at the end of our adventure with animals here on this farm. Loss is part of any life with animals, I accept and understand this, they do not live as long as we do, and many things can bring them down. I know this now, I accept it, it is one of the cornerstone realities of a life with real animals in the real world.

I have many more books to write, blogs to publish, things to learn about dogs and animals, Maria will need a dog in her life when the time comes. Frieda is not only her protector and companion in life, but her muse and soul mate in work, these two have been on the creative hero journey together.  Before she died, Lenore accompanied Maria on her almost daily walk in the woods. Frieda can no longer walk with her. She needs that, she will have it again.

We are thinking about things. We have more loss to get through.

We have not reached any decisions. We are exploring the idea of a baby goat to help us clean up the outer pastures and fences and to photograph and learn about and write about. Maria is exploring her deepening connection with horses, there is thought to getting a pony, which Maria could ride on the farm and in the woods beyond it. We own 17 acres of woods and there are trails behind us.

I am getting restless. A lot of death, a lot of loss, the wheel turns and it is my wish for the farm to experience more life, learning, experience, and yes, love. The love of animals is at the core of the Bedlam Farm experience and the Spring will be a good time to get on with it. There is room at the inn, I have much to learn and am eager to get on with it.

In Red, I have the dog I have always wanted, a greater dog than I imagined, the dog for me. My friend Dr. Karen Thompson was right, God wanted me to have this dog.  But I can also see another dog in the house and in our lives. This is my passion, my work, the point.

As many of you know, I have my own particular ideas and philosophy about grieving, I have done my grieving for Lenore and Simon, I am grateful for every moment I had with them, I am ready to move on and am excited at the prospect of new animals to love, learn from, train and communicate with. This is who I am. This is who we are. This is what we do. We will make these decisions together.

In many ways, grief is a process, in some ways it is a choice. Grief will have it’s way with all of us, but Insofar as it is a choice, I choose to give thanks and accept one of the miracles of animals. I choose to look forward, not back.

The thing about animals is this: you can do it again. There is another miracle in my life, Maria, and she has the passion and the energy to walk this path with me. It is something we both are very much called to.

So I am thinking, listening, keeping my ears and ears and heart open, all the more as Spring gets closer. I will, as always, share the process with you, and thanks for coming along for the ride.