Saturday morning I leave Bedlam Farm and head out to the ocean for five days of reading, rest and coming back down to earth. This is the first time I am leaving the farm since my open heart surgery on July l, I will be far from my doctors, my pharmacist, my cardiac rehab, my friends. It is a little frightening. In many ways, my life is beginning to return to normal, in many ways it has not. I am very much in recovery, I still experience sudden fatigue, issues with my heart pumping, adjustments to new medications. I  have not ventured from cell or easy driving reach from the vast community of doctors and nurses who have supported my recovery.

Saturday evening, I will be five or six hours away. I will need a small suitcase to pack my medical supplies – the pills, vitamins, insulin pens, balms, needles. I have a list of my doctors and their phone numbers, my pharmacist Bridget has given me her home telephone number, she and I went over my medications today, all my prescriptions are up to date and/or refilled. She even gave me some seasick medicine for the Whale Watch I expect to be taking. I might not need it.

I’ve gone over the things that might go wrong and the things I should and can do if they do go wrong. I need to rest on my vacation, but as importantly, I need to know that I can go on vacation and function. I have a strong back-up system in my nest, and I have not wandered far from it. It’s time.

For me, recovery is returning to normal life safely and persistently and gradually. Next week I will be on a normal vacation. I will walk miles every day, rest, read, talk, love and think. My rented wide angle lens should arrive tomorrow and photography will, as always be a huge part of my healing.

One of my nurses asked me to write down in order what was most important to my healing, my recovery. This is my list:

l. Maria.

2. Walking.

3. Patience.

4. Writing on my blog, including the Recovery Journal.

5. My photography.

6. Red and Simon, then Lenore.

7. Good health care, my nurse-practitioner Karen Bruce who watched over me with vigilance and patience (sometimes.)

8. My friends. Who called me, visited me, brought me food, walked with me, took me to lunch, told me every day that I was getting better, looking stronger.

9. Mandy Meyer-Hill, a massage therapist who has done energy work with me in my home every week. I have never rested more deeply and comfortably, I could feel the healing power of this work very clearly and strongly.

I’m sure the list could be longer, but that is a good start. I am excited, thrilled to be heading out of the next and into the world. Ultimately if things really go wrong, I have to dial 911, those are my instructions, and you can’t mess around with a healing heart.

If recovery is living a normal life, that is my intention. I understand that the days are gone when I could simply put a jacket, sweater and jeans in a bag and jump in the car. I have a big checklist of things to bring. But when I return from vacation, I will know for sure that I can fly.