I can tell you one thing about recovering from open heart bypass surgery, when the doctors say recovery is not a straight line, they are speaking the truth. It is not only not a straight line, it is more like a hieroglyphic a spinning, up and down circular line. Every day is different, there is no logical progress to any part of recovery, not this early on.

The only consistency in my recovery has been my walking – I do it every day, I love it every day. But even my walking has changed in the past two days. I hiked a up a steep hill in Merck Forest Sunday, and I walked today when the temperature hit the 90’s. My heart has responded, telling me it is tired. Almost every day, I experience at least one round of utter exhaustion. It came today after I took a walk, worked on my book, had lunch with George Forss at the Round House Cafe. I break out into cold sweats, I am simply worn out.  After lunch, I could barely make it to the car, and I got home and collapsed in my big chair, got the headphones on, started listening  to my music stash on Spotify and blacked out for three hours.

My heart is talking to me loud and clear. Take it easy for a day or so, wait until things cool off, walk in the evening, rest, rest and rest. It is hard for me to believe that the surgery was only three weeks away, and that my recovery will go one for months, even a year. It is not in my nature or experience to think in so long-term away. Yet this is what I need to do and am struggling to do.

I have a great amount of energy for a few hours a day, then I am done. The periods of high energy get a bit longer every day, but then they might shrink rapidly another day for no reason I can fathom. That’s what it means to be recovering from heart surgery. Tomorrow I go to Albany to check out the diabetes clinic there. Thursday I see another doctor. Next week I go and see the surgeon who worked on my heart, it will be neat to see her again.

When I collapse in exhaustion, it worries me, I wonder if I will ever feel my old energy. Before the surgery I had never been in a hospital, sleeping in mid-day was unimaginable to me. But, a friend said today, they stopped your heart and opened up your chest, it will take a while for your heard and body and mind to recover. I will work on accepting that. And look ahead to the day when I can have lunch and not have to recover from it.