I don’t dwell on my life, but it’s important to know where you are in life. This motorcycle reminded me. My friend Rod is selling his motorcyle, he is in a new relationship and I sense it is no longer welcome in his life. I have always wanted a motorcyle and there have always been very many good reasons for me not to have one. I told Maria we should consider it.

My wife is almost violently opposed to the idea. When I asked Rod how much she was asking, Maria said “no way, you are not getting a motorcycle.” First of all, she said, we can’t afford it, and I have to say this is so.

Secondly, she said, it was not a good idea. Motorcyles fall over and have to be lifted up, they require a strong sense of balance, they can tilt and slide easily and have to be righted by strong and agile footwork. Those things are not my strengths. More good reasons not to have a motorcyle, they seem to mount every single day.

I am at a point in life where I love my life very much, more than ever, but I also know there are many more things behind me than ahead of me. Maria was really telling me what I know, that I am too old to get this motorcycle. It is not this age but other things as well – lots of older people ride motorcyles but they are not me – I just don’t have the legs and mobility for it. I don’t have the money either, we have a lot of work to do to recover from my divorce, the recession, changes in publishing and the trouble we have had selling the first Bedlam Farm.

If we have to spend money, it will not be on Rod’s motorcycle, so there are things other than age to confront and consider.

Still, it is sobering to me to realize that things like motorcycles are almost surely behind me. That list is getting longer.  Maria is right, it is not a good idea. Is it time to give up on motorcyle dreams?  I think so, it is important to know where you are in life. When the mask comes off, you better know where you are in life.  I have always dreamed of getting my own motorcycle, always thought I would one day. I need to let go of my motorcyle dreams.

Rod said he would take me for a ride, I could at least get a feel for what it would be like. I said thank you, but no, I think I have always known what it would feel like. Tonight, I said goodbye to my motorcycle dreams.