I can feel photographer’s light, now, I can hear it outside when it appears, early in the morning, late in the afternoon. I was up early, thinking about my life. I am not yet old in my mind, I am beginning to be old. I sometimes think about what I am leaving behind. I am not morbid about death, my work as a hospice volunteer has helped me understand death a bit better and get comfortable with it, or as comfortable as one gets. I just don’t think about it much.

But there are some things that are important for me to begin settling. I imagine I will leave Maria behind, and I want to think about that as well, I want to take full responsibility for my life, I want to face it squarely and with honor and honesty. So there are some important things I need to face and take care of in the coming months and year. I am not usually vague about these things, but it is not the time to share them openly, I will do that when the times comes for decisions. I’m just not quite ready to talk about it. The past few years have been the most amazing in my great adventure.

But they have also been the most difficult and challenging, they have challenged me and surprised me. So I will share this process as it unfolds. The light is a constant in my life now, the gift of photography. I find it and it finds me, and it is a metaphor in my life for awakening, for fulfillment, for the great challenge of being a worthy human being.