I said no to saving Sebastian this week, I thought about it over the weekend and was reminded again and again why it was not a good idea for me, my family, my animals or my life. I think it would not have been good for Sebastian.

He seems, from all accounts, a loving, bright and energetic border collie with a troubled and uncertain history and some severe issues relating to anxiety. A dog like that needs a lot of time and patience, and I don’t have much time these days, I’ve been to New York or other places a half dozen times in the past month alone, I am undertaking a huge book writing project – “Talking To Animals,” and I have great peace and harmony and work with the three dogs we have.

I am flattered by the idea that I am the perfect person for this dog, at another time and place in my life, that might have been so, not this time or place.

Red is an amazing dog for me, a therapy dog, a work dog, a companion dog. Lenore is an active and enthusiastic Lab, she needs walks, attention rides around in the car. Frieda, after years of long and hard work, has settled, she is aging, she needs to be walked separately now and monitored for a growing number of health issues. They all need work, attention, continuous training and love. I am determined that my dogs get everything they need and live their lives to their fullest potential. That takes a lot of time.

Maria and I work constantly, day and night, usually seven days a week. Writing books and essays, blogging, taking photos, making quilts and hanging pieces and  potholders, tending to an old and creaky farmhouse, caring for food, water and health issues for donkeys, sheep, barn cats and chickens and dogs. Red and I herd sheep, visit with veterans, Maria sells wool, makes artful things almost every day. I write books, blog repeatedly, take my photos, I am involved in writing about the carriage horses and the larger issues relating to animals that arise from that story, I am publishing an e-book about them, negotiating for a new publisher for my books.

My blog is precious to me, there are a number of projects I need to work on relating to it, and money is an issue for us. We have to be careful about what we undertake. An anxious border collie is a fascinating thing, but in the canine sense, it is much like bringing an explosive device into our world.  It affects everyone, us, the dogs, the donkeys and sheep, the chickens and cats. Sebastian (now Pockets) deserves peace and quiet and attention. I am pulled in many different ways, training a wonderful but crazy dog is not Maria’s thing. She is stretched thin, as am I.

Sebastian has a lot of issues, he needs to find a home for good, for the long haul, with lots of focus and time for him. That is not my home. I imagine he can be saved, I know that not every dog can be saved. The people who know him love him very much, that is a good sign for him.

The rescue impulse is a powerful one, but sometimes, saying no is just as loving as saying yes. I do not wish to see dogs only through the prism of rescue. That can fill up a life in a flash. I need to love my life, protect the space I need in my head for my wife, my writing, my photography. Sebastian needs and deserves something else. I hope he gets it. The people at bigfluffyrescue are determined to save him and find the right home for him. I think they will.