It took a year or so in of planning, negotiating, trading, Kickstarting, but today my new camera, the Canon 1 DX arrived. Every piece of photographic equipment I have ever owned has come from B&H Photo, one of the most interesting, vibrant and mystical stores on the planet. My 5D Mark III began wearing out six months ago, I knew I had to get some new equipment, some of my best lenses were falling apart as well.

My book on Simon is coming out this fall, and I am eager to move on to my next project, “Talking To Animals,” the result of 15 years of research and observation. I knew I needed a new camera, and I knew I needed one that was fast and strong and great in low light. I started focusing on the 1DX, I read maybe a thousand online reviews, I talked to a score of photographers, I read countless magazine articles. This is a strong and powerful camera, combat and sports photographers love it, it is heavy, everyone calls it the “Beast.” The camera body alone costs nearly $7,000. It will be awhile before I buy another lens.

I must confess that I enjoyed negotiating with B&H Photo. I am not an observant Jew, I rarely get to feel Jewish, and I am not remotely like the Hasidic Sect that runs that store. Yet there is something about the experience that connects me to being Jewish, we all twinkle and wink at each other. Before the recession and my divorce and the struggle to sell Bedlam Farm, I never haggled, I never negotiated for anything, I just bought what I wanted. Now I have to get creative to be creative and I am not bad at it, not bad at all.

When I walked into B&H Monday morning, I handed them the order number of the 1 DX and handed over a lens I really loved. I’m buying this camera, I said, so maybe you will treat me well. The young man at the counter, a Hasid from Brooklyn, on the other side of Judaism from me, looked me in the eye and winked. “We treat everybody good,” he said, and we were off.

When I first went to New York with my Kickstarter money, I saw I was not able to buy the camera and the new lenses I needed. So I launched my Kickstarter project and went to New York again. I brought some lenses and acquired some new lenses, but I still did not quite have enough money to get this camera, the insurance, batteries, accessories, etc. I brought another camera to B&H, two more lenses and started negotiating. I did not expect to get this camera. But I kept at it, figuring out things I could trade, exploring different ways of buying this camera.

At B&H, they love to sell things, and I love to buy things. We met in the middle. We worked out an arrangement that is comfortable for me, I gave up a lot, I got the camera, I have to read the 450 page manual before I used it. I am excited about it and uneasy.

I gave up on it a half dozen times, I even walked away from buying it when I was last in New York, I wasn’t sure, I couldn’t justify it. By photographic standards, it is nowhere near the most expensive cameras, but it is up there for me. The trade-ins made a big difference, also having a few months to pay it all off. Photography has opened up the artist in me, I see my photography as my art, as an extension and expression of the way I see the world. Every photo tells a story, every photo is an emotional experience for me. I began taking pictures five years ago, I never took a photo before that, it came out of my relationship with Maria. She was the first person to encourage my art, my photos, and every one was and is a love letter to her. I show her every picture I take. Photography is a passion for me, it is my identity in so many ways, it is an integral part of this blog a way to practice my art and tell my stories.

I have learned so much. This wonderful new camera, which I am fortunate and grateful to have, will hopefully take me to a new place, once I slowly and carefully figure out how to use it. Tomorrow, I’m taking it over to show to George Forss, I want to see what he makes of it, I want to watch his fingers fly across the dials and settings. I appreciate the support I got for this project and this camera and for “Talking To Animals,” I can’t wait to get to work on it.  I’ll be up pretty late poring over the manual. I’m going to have to learn how this one works. I will, of course, share the experience. I’m not sure if this is victory for determination or creativity, I hope it is an affirmation of both.